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Male Masturbation/Does he fantasize about me?


I am 20 and friends with a couple in their late 50s. They are like mentors to me; I see them in a parental way and sometimes we hang out as friends.

The husband, however, has lately been making some comments that have me worried that he is sexually attracted to me and might act on it. I didn't take it seriously at first, because the thought of him in a romantic sense grosses me out, but the other day we were talking on the phone (he called to check in and say hi) and I made a comment about this funny story from college about something silly I did that I'd probably only tell people if I was drinking. He responded with "I don't know if I can drink with you, because that could be dangerous…" I knew what he implied but shrugged it off and started talking about something else. He said, "Oh, so you're just going to blow past that?!" I said "Ok, why would it be dangerous?" And he replied, "Well, you know, because you're a vibrant 20-year-old and you know I find you attractive…." blah blah blah. I didn't really know how to respond.

In the past he kept asking if I had a boyfriend - I haven't and I admitted that I'm kind of insecure about it. He went on to tell me that he wouldn't get specific but he's always thought I had a nice figure. Another time when I told him I was losing a little weight, he looked at me and said "you're getting a hot little body."

I have more examples below.  Do you think he fantasizes about having sex with me?

Physically, one time I was sitting next to him with my head on his shoulder after talking about something sad, and my legs were curled up and he put his hand really high behind my thigh close to my butt. He also loosely has loosely held my hand one time and in a flirty way tried to tickle me. After he hugged me once he left his hands lingering around my waist for a few seconds.

Also one time when I came over he was in the shower and after he got out invited me to come up and talk as he was getting ready after his shower.  I said no thanks and stayed downstairs.

I also catch him staring at me a lot. Once I was talking to his wife and leaning forward on the kitchen counter and might've unintentionally been showing cleavage. When she suggested I sit on a bar stool instead, he made sure to say that I don't have to, I can just do whatever is comfortable.

He also makes comments about how hot he used to be in college as a swimmer and how they're used to not wearing much clothes.

Yes, I have to believe he does fantasize about you.  But then so do many of the males you come in contact with on a daily basis.  I don't think you should have a sexual relationship with this man, because he's married and because you're also friends with his wife.  But if you blow past him, there will be other men of all ages who will be interested in you also, and you will have to learn to defuse their interest, if you're not also interested.

Male Masturbation

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


I write from the point of view that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary to sexual health. I am able to answer questions in all areas of sexuality.


I am the author of the web site and have been answering questions about sexuality (especially masturbation) from both males and females for over 13 years.

I have a Ph.D. in a field unrelated to sexuality from one of the leading educational institutions of the world.

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