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Male Masturbation/Proactive Masturbation


Hi Doug,

Thanks for taking my question. A question I have is regarding proactive masturbating. I am 27 years old by the way. My question is that I am wanting to know if it is okay to masturbate proactively. What I mean by that is I tend to be horny a lot, mainly when I am busy. I guess cause social arousal stimulates me sexually. So I masturbate every night (most nights) just so that I can have a clear mind the next day when I am at work. I have gone times without masturbating and I would be at work and feel very frustrated. When I started masturbating as a 'just in case', I wouldn't be frustrated the next day. But usually I get horny by the night time anyway.

Just occasionally I will be aroused before my day is even over with. So I kinda just sit with until I masturbate around the same time I do each night. Since it wouldn't be that great, any mentally involving task would make me forget about it.

The reason why I am asking this is because today I had an epiphany. I was aroused today and I had some errands to run after work. Because I was a bit aroused, it felt intimate/romantic like. I was open to giving and receiving of that kind of emotion and energy with good-looking people. Like flirtation or something. So I was thinking that maybe proactively masturbating is probably just a way for me to avoid those romantic/intimate like emotions. By the way, the experience of interacting with those emotions is something I liked. Also by the way, I had passed those vibes with someone at work as well even though I didn't particularly mean to. Like my boundaries are were a bit down.

I don't want to avoid natural intimate feelings. I haven't had any relationship success in the past. And I have given up on trying to control my relationship life and I decided to just focus on my career aspirations. I am just trying to figure out what's best.

Thanks for your time.

I think you're overthinking things.  Most men your age who aren't sexually active masturbate daily.  It is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.  Most males don't masturbate a day or so before they're planning to have sex.  Some males abstain for an extra day for the reason you suggest - that the extra horniness that not masturbating provides them makes them more likely to go out and find a partner.  That certainly doesn't mean that men who don't abstain from masturbating (i.e., masturbate often) are trying to avoid finding a relationship.

So call it whatever you want.  It's fine to masturbate proactively or abstain from masturbating proactively or to find a partner and make love.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


I write from the point of view that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary to sexual health. I am able to answer questions in all areas of sexuality.


I am the author of the web site and have been answering questions about sexuality (especially masturbation) from both males and females for over 13 years.

I have a Ph.D. in a field unrelated to sexuality from one of the leading educational institutions of the world.

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