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Marriage/I think my husband is bored with me.

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alee wrote at 2009-01-07 03:09:27
I am in the same boat...only been married a year, lonely and a house wife...Here is the difference i have submersed myself into his hobbie of CARS!!!  and it is not doing any good..right now i am writing this to you and he is sitting beside me on his night off playing video games!  He works a day job and night job...so i feel kinda selfish when i ask him for his time...because he does not have time to do much else....but i work too and take care of our daughter and EVERYTHING ELSE...i am so nervous...


BoredBlue wrote at 2009-07-29 16:36:38
I've been married 7 years and still feel this way sometimes. We've had a rough year and its taking a toll on us but what I find helpful is to immerse myself in MY hobbies. I have in the past tried taking an interest in his hobbies and actually really liked hunting (though I choose a camera over a gun) with him but found that he would feel intruded upon when I would ask to go on a guys only weekend. I ended up getting frustrated because we were always doing what he wanted to do and our world revolved around him. This didn't help the feeling that I wasn't important. So I enrolled myself and my dog (I am dog crazy) in obedience classes and we worked our way up to agility 4. I had a blast and dh even became a little intrested because he saw how much fun I was having. I still take enough interest in his hobbies for him to be able to discuss them with me but I think its important to be happy with yourself first. It takes your mind off of how much time he's not spending with you and takes the pressure off of him to have to entertain you.


Heidi from Oregon wrote at 2009-10-10 03:09:07
When my husband distanced himself from me, and I found "something to do" by immersing myself in things I like to do, I ended up with a husband having an affair.  When a husband becomes bored & disinterested in his wife there is TROUBLE BREWING, and you should consider it a serious warning sign.

We were able to pull out of it, but not before going all the way to the divorce table where he found out that it would be rather expensive for him to become a single guy. Another bad piece of advice I have seen on this one is immersing yourself in HIS interests & hobbies. He needs to re-immerse himself in the marriage.  Get professional help, so you don't end up in a bigger mess like we did.


Helga wrote at 2010-07-25 18:03:09
Look at yourself first. Do you do things on your own and with your friends? How is he going to be interested if you nag all the time. Stop asking and be happy and he will get interested again. And make sure you look after yourself, look nice, go to a gym and do interesting things.  


pattiB wrote at 2010-11-24 12:40:26
jessie,

1.For the sake of your marriage,U must act now w/ loving intentions. This is a job for couples counseling.

2.those times when he doesn't wanna talk, just hang together, scratch your nails thru his hair while he watches TV. You can talk about the show,-during commercials.

3. Remember your sense of humor, laugh when commenting to him. Hear his remarks thru (with love).

4. No babies!

.....Until  U both can get past this together!

5. If he won't go to couples therapy, GO ALONE! U-GO! You won't regret it.

6.If you don't like the therapist you have, get a new one, just keep seeing someone.  

7.Most importantly, do not! not!...try to "white-knuckle" through this on your own. Therapist can work miracles through regular sessions. Just Be open to the healing!

8.Vitally Important!-Find several hobbies to share, just taking walks together, gardening together, cooking together, libraries, parks, grocery shop together, Play board games, play cards, tickle, wrestle, pop out and surprise him, just to laugh at the way he screamed.

Moments together is precious!

9. Lastly: It's inevitable you'll spend time apart, get over it! Do NOT lose yourself like I did. You must nurture yourself. Take opportunity to Chat up your counselor, and also your co-workers, (who are girlfriends too), even ladies at the gym be a healthy distraction from your day Exercise erases "anger/anxiety."

Join and attend the classes at your community center, or take time to volunteer in your community, go to church, it could do wonders. You're away from your family, but you're not alone like you may think.  


Dennis G wrote at 2011-04-09 19:55:59
Its a tough thing marriage. I have been with my wife for forteen years. Im only 32 years old. If you have only been married to him for a year and he is acting like that already, there is somthing really wrong. Are you guys intimate on a regular basis? Does he tell you the house looks great and the food smells good when he gets home. Does he appriciate the things you do for him on a daily basis? Do you still think he loves you? Do you think there might be someone else? These are the questions you have to ask yourself? Do you like the person you are when you are with him? I have been married for eight years and I have been with my wife for forteen years I have a 3 year old boy and my wife doesnt like anything I like nor does she show me any attention. Sometimes people just stay together because its just eaiser, or because they have a child, or they dont want to be alone there are a lot of reasons but you need to ask yourself are you still with him for the  right reasons? Seems he is not interested in you anymore and i know that hurts but after a year he should not be that way with his wife. Good luck and email me if you would like to.  


fiona wrote at 2011-11-05 09:56:24
I have been married 30 years.  Initially it was very tough.  To keep marriage going normally people raise kids and that keeps us busy. Later kids become adults and then they leave the nest. Again we get bored with each other. I started studying spiritualism and yoga.  This changed my life.  Now I accept myself as a person and I dont try to change my husband.  We cannot change any one. They say spiritulism is the way of life. We learn to keep ourselves busy.  It is the mind that plays havoc.


steve wrote at 2012-06-28 12:51:09
In reply to Jessie. My name is steve, I am on here reading because I am not sure if I am interested in my wife anymore; and I do feel guilty about that. I have been married close to 12 years. I love my wife, but it just seems like our compatability has fizzled. I do find myself too, trying to avoid her and at times becoming agitated over minor things. I do believe the hostility is just an unconscious reaction to a known fact. I wouldn't want to hurt her in any way, but I Do, however, feel trapped. Try not focusing on him so much. When he realizes that you are not basing your self-worth on his approval or acceptance and that you are content just being you, he will no longer feel the burden of feeling obligated to entertain you. I know with me-I developed a self-imposed chore of always making sure that, my wife was the center of my every doing and, over time that became a drag. I just wish that she could find some hobbies or interests, too. It can become burdensome, lonely,and frustrating trying to figure out if something u did may have caused her to feel rejected. To compromise with that horrible feeling-anger and resentment usually follow. That does lead to further rejection. I hope that i helped you. Trust me, it's not you..It's both of you.


Sonja wrote at 2013-07-08 03:51:11
I feel the same way. Been married for almost 3 years, all my husband does it complain about me or my family how I'm not as smart as him and that I should be grateful someone married my white trash self, then he watches his pods cast or plays his computer games, he's even so rude as to look at porn when me and our daughter are sitting right next to him. In fact we can't even get intimate without him watching porn to get aroused.  


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Marriage and relationship related questions. Adultery. Physical abuse, substance abuse - depression. Counseling since 1991. Married 30+ years. Don't give up! You are reading this because you want a change in your life - start today! I will give you specific tips and techniques that I have used with hundreds of people in situations just like yours - you are not alone. My clients call me "The Marriage Doctor" - let's get started on yours.

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Married since 1975 to my high school sweetheart and I love her more today than when I was 17. Counselor since 1991.

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Bachelors Degree - Ashland University - Ashland, Ohio MBA - Case Western Reserve Universtiy - Cleveland, Ohio Under study - Masters Degree - Christian Counseling - Andersonville Seminary - Andersonville, Georgia Under study - PhD - Freedom Bible College - Rogers, Arkansas Stephen Minister Guardian Ad Litem

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