AboutPastor Kimberly Lemler Expertise As an ordained minister, life coach, and counselor, I can help you answer questions related to marriage based on the Bible. I have been through a divorce due to adultery and know the pain of losing a marriage and having to rebuild my life. I have been happily remarried for 16 years.
Outside of AllExperts I can be reached at:
Walk By Faith Counseling Center
www.GodsHealingPower.org
Experience
Experience in the area I have been happily married for 16 years. I do street ministry, phone ministry, e-mail ministry, in-office and home ministry and have ministered on a worldwide prayerline. I am a life coach as well and I have a weekly radio broadcast.
Publications I have a Healing CD ready which is available on our website, along with our other CD's.I also have a weekly radio teaching broadcast.
Education/Credentials I am a former school teacher, a graduate of Indiana University,1984. I have received biblical instruction at Victory Bible Institute and am currently working on a PhD in healing through Christian Leadership Seminary. I have also completed studies under Art Mathias of Wellspring Ministries in How TO Minister To Others. In addition I have taken classes through CHarles and Frances Hunter on How To Heal The Sick
Past/Present Clients I have ministered to many, many clients over a 15 year period.
Education/Credentials
I am a former school teacher, a graduate of Indiana University,1984. I have received biblical instruction at Victory Bible Institute and am currently working on a PhD in ministry. Past/Present Clients I have ministered to many, many clients over a 15 year period.
Question My question is: I feel like my husband doesn't understand me.
He says things that hurt my feelings: to indicate I'm fat, stupid or trivial. I mention I don't appreciate it and sometimes I'm driven to tears and then he'll realize he's wrong. But it takes so long and me crying on the bathroom floor before he realizes he's wrong to say and do certain things.
We normally get along but several problems keep coming up.
1) He likes to sit in front of the television every spare minute we are at home. It's a struggle to eat dinner at the table with him. While he vegges (claiming it helps lower his blood pressure), I clean. I get annoyed about doing most of the housework and so I mention this to him. He gets angry and says he does things that I don't see. So I decided we should write a list of what he does and what I do , then compare after 2 weeks. He never bothered but my list was huge. Yet he still insists he helps and gets mad when I say he doesn't help around the house. I don't understand how he doesn't understand why this aggravates me!
2) Speaking of his blood pressure, it's a little high for his age. My problem is that I feel he is overreacting. He'll ask me to keep the phone nearby the bed so I can call 9-1-1 because he's feeling bad that night. He's been to the doctor several times and nothing, according to the doc, is wrong. I know stuff could be wrong that's undetectable but it's hard to feel like that's the issue. Just last night, after a movie, we rushed the ER because he said the topical skin of his left arm felt numb. After the doctor preformed several tests, he concluded that my husband's arm was numb because it was around me for 3 hours in the theater! I feel like he's doing this because he thinks I don't care. I do care, I just don't care to be a worry wart like him.
So yes, I don't feel like he understands me. Doesn't understand why I'm angry that he sits in front of the television all the time and claims to help out "so much!" And he doesn't understand that I care about him but I'm not going to live stressed out every second because he has high blood pressure. I can't stand whiners, and I freakin married one.
Answer Hi...
Welcome to the world of marriage!! You will find all kinds of things that are going to annoy you, so you have to start learning to pick your battles...
Your husband is very inconsiderate of your feelings by verbally abusing you. That is just unacceptable. His couch potato mentality is also something that needs to be changed. I strongly suggest that you both go to a pastor for counseling right away to get some of these issues worked out before it comes to a place where you can't stand to be around him anymore and file for a divorce.
If he doesn't go, then go yourself so you can get some guidance on a weekly basis. You are going to need all the help you can get living with this man.
I would stop doing his laundry and cleaning up after him.Once he gets enough dirty laundry and dirty dishes piled in his closet, he may take another look at his lack of helpfulness...
I don't see any easy answers here. I really need to talk to him myself to find out what is going on in his head...
