AboutS.Kessler Expertise I can answer most any type of questions relating to marriage. I have been divorced and I`m remarried. I have been through many things throughout the years. I will try to offer solutions to a problem you have whether it be; divorce, adultery, advice on a spouse, etc. I`d be happy to answer, to the best of my ability, any questions you might have.
Experience I have been a volunteer for all experts for over 8 yrs now. I volunteer in more than 2 catagories/topics involving marriage type issues. I have helped a lot of people.
Expert: S.Kessler Date: 7/12/2008 Subject: Big Age Gap, I am talking HUGE, WOW?
Question QUESTION: Searching the WWW and finding many many sites on the subject I am compelled to ask anyone with knowledge of this subject the odds of a 55 year old male from the USA being involved and considering a life together with a 19 year old woman from Thailand. Oh! The 55 man which most consider the dirty old man for this is Myself! lol: I am in really good physical shape and most people always say I will never grow up!Shoot Folks, no fun growing up?I still am the same dare devil on a motorcycle and roller skates as I was when 17 yo. I run, ride a bike a lot, go to the gym regularly, and just love water sport! I must say mind and heart are very young but body somehow sends a different message. I was married for 8 years and we were total different people and should never tied the knot, a matter of, well I am not sure? I think it was money she was looking for support and I didn't see it. Here goes nothing. First the young lady does not know my finance at all, thinks I am just average or below average income because the way I dress and act. Never bought high dollar gifts for her or stay at resort. Always I will stay at a budget motel/hotel, no fancy cloths, etc. Kinda like someone that just doesn't give a crap about dressing up for anyone. She swears she fears God and will love me till we die? Believe me, she is soo smart and to me the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on but do I just keep the relationship on and love her but no commitment as I am afraid of loosing her? It is way past the sex thing and besides, we all know when traveling to a country, check into a resort, wear the O Rolex and ostrich boots and flash a few hundred on a few tips for meals and anyone can get laid by a beautiful woman in any country. No brag, just a fact. I don't mind doing that as I have a few bucks and did retire at 53 younger than anyone else I know. So money, sex and rock and roll I always say!I have been divorced for 20 years and thought I will never tie the knot again for anything or anyone. I have done everything under the sun to discourage her attempt to getting hooked up for life, I will be 70 and she 33, if I live that long?
I do not know customs in Thailand and have no idea what will her family think? I am not complaining at all as she does keep me young but that will change as we all know about age. What will she think in ten years of me when I am too old or in too bad of shape to do anything. I have had almost every bone in my body broken including my neck, this is another thing catching up with me and the joint pain. Although, I have methadone for this so no problem now, lol. Also I must say that I am blessed to be able to perform and make her very happy but we won't go into all the details. But I have learned much in this department and we know that experience is the best teacher. A bit of research with my AC/DC Sister did tons of good! All men should learn to hum a good tune when going down on their love, see what changes this brings to your life! Now
for the advice, should I give in to her and become man and wife or just keep things like they are and end up loosing the most loving woman I have ever known. I know she is getting upset, not like a Latin girl, real quiet no response, drives me nuts to see her like this but I cry inside because she isn't 30 years older or I 30 years younger. This is breaking my heart and she could be lieing but my friend married a girl of 20 years younger and another 30 years younger from Latin America and still together but that tells me nothing about the way Thai women will be with commitment and she may be playing me like a drum and me just too dumb with love for her I am blind? Someone please help this is breaking my heart for sure, I can't keep the relationship going and know in my heart she can find a much younger man. I have good qualities I think, but who am I to what I think ruin her life? Please Help?
ANSWER: Hi Charles~
If you truly love her and she loves you, then what is stopping you from marrying the love of your life. Not every young woman is after a sugar daddy, especially if she knows nothing of your financial status. At which event you should keep this from her, so that she doesn't start to want you just for your money, and you can write her into your will for her to inherit all your possession, money, property, etc when you eventually die. Heck, life expectancy goes up all the time. The average age of an American these days is about 78 (remember women tend to out live their husband's by about 7 years on average). And since she's younger, there are many benefits to this, such as her keeping you active and young. Besides as long as you love each other, age shouldn't factor into deterring you to marry the love of your life. Love knows no age (as long as both parties are the legal age of consent which is 18 in most states) boundaries, color, heritage, ethnic, religions beliefs, etc.
This is just a risk that you'll have to be willing to take in life. It could work out or down the road it may not. Chances seem to look in your favor though, from all that you've described about her. I know that Thai women are very dedicated to their spouses. I mean what do you really have to lose. And even if you did end up ultimately getting divorced down the line somewhere, at least you can say that you had experienced the love of your life. Sometimes if we don't take a chance in life, we miss something very good. You don't want to end up being lonely and regretting on what you missed out on by spending your life with her do you?
Speaking of men being older and society thinking it's okay, on the flip side it's looked down upon if a woman takes a younger partner. I happen to be married to the most wonderful man (in my humble opinion) and he's 8 yrs younger than myself. He had just turned 18 one month before I married him (shock and gasp! LOL) and I was 26 (one month before we got married). He was 19 when we had our first daughter together). We've been happily married for over 9 yrs now. We gambled and took that risk together, we didn't care what others thought about it, we loved each other and that's what mattered the most to us. Granted we have had a little ups and downs due to the age difference, but nothing major, and we worked those issues out (it wasn't easy though, but we fought for our love).
The main issue I see with dating/marrying a younger person is that they could become attracted to someone their age. That is the only huge barrier that happens in most relationships that have an older and younger partner. Again it's the risk and chance that you have to be willing to take. Love (for us) outweighed all the bad things that could go wrong with a relationship like this. However if you're both compatible and you love one another then in the end things usually do work out.
This is a choice that only you can make, what do you have to lose anyway? Nothing really, I say to go for it. Screw what others think, at least you could give it a damn good shot. So my point is go with your heart and do what's right for you and what make you happy. Whatever that decision may be. Always remember to treat her like gold and to do unto her as you'd want her to do unto you. You may be surprised you may have a faithful partner for life, marry her only if you feel comfortable doing so. If you don't feel 110% percent sure that you can't live w/o her in your life, then don't marry her. Again the choice is yours to make. Listen to your gut instincts and what it tells you. After all it's there for a reason and that it to tell you when something's not quite right. Okay, I think you get my point, since I've written a small novel here. LOL
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QUESTION: Thanks so much for the kind words, this makes a difference in how I think. I love her more each day and I also treat her like gold. I am going for it! I just was thinking I would ruin her life not mine as I would get over it. My friend also told me to go for it and if things don't work out kick her ass out on the street! I could never do such a thing. But I needed to know out of a hundred what is the odds of it working? 20% 50%? I believe in God also in numbers, like when your number is up? lol: I know Thailand women do believe in divorce, know many. As long as I put her above all things and everything on earth do you think I will die with her by my side? Thanks so much for the input!
Answer Hi Charles~
I'd say you have over a 50-50 chance for everything going in your favor with her staying with you and being dedicated to one another. However, there are no guarantees in life, well, besides you pay taxes and die. LOL! I think your chances with her really seem pretty good. She seems (from all that you've described) to be a very good match for you. Even if there is a huge age gap between you, who cares! As long you love each other and you're compatible that's what matters the most. Ask yourself this question; Is she worth all that you have to endure to have her in your life? And are you prepared to love and be solely with her for the rest of your life (given that she feels the same way for you)? And if so, then yes, marry her and be with her always! She's very lucky to have a loving, wonderful and dedicated man in her life. Good luck on the endeavors in your life, Charles. You sound like a swell guy, take care of yourself and your lady.
