AboutS.Kessler Expertise I can answer most any type of questions relating to marriage. I have been divorced and I`m remarried. I have been through many things throughout the years. I will try to offer solutions to a problem you have whether it be; divorce, adultery, advice on a spouse, etc. I`d be happy to answer, to the best of my ability, any questions you might have.
Experience I have been a volunteer for all experts for over 8 yrs now. I volunteer in more than 2 catagories/topics involving marriage type issues. I have helped a lot of people.
Expert: S.Kessler Date: 7/1/2008 Subject: Separation involving children
Question Hello,
I was to separate from my husband. We have been married for 10 years now and I have had enough. We have been for marriage counseling twice before and things change for a while and then revert back to the way it was.
My husband does not respect me, is not caring anyone (not sure if he was) does not show his love or if he cares. eg. recently I had hysterectomy coz dr found precancerous conditions. All my husband said was if its cancer our house will be freed coz we have a policy covering major illnesses. I felt so ill that I did not tell him anything more about my condition.
He has a drinking problem, has admitted it but will only take anti booze to stop him from drinking. He says he will stop when taking the pills when he feels like socialising with our friends. He is nasty when he drinks, picks on my family, tells me that my mom chooses my sister over me coz she has more money. He always gets jealous over my sister and her husbands progress. Like they were given it on a silver platter.
I when through a similar childhood and will not let my 5yr and 2.5 yr grow up the same way.
I want a separation and I know that he and his family will be ugly to me. I want him to move out the house so our kids can stay in a familiar and secure environment. Not for my sake. I know that he does not have money either do I, but his mom always helps out when he neeeds money so she can obviously help him get a place. I get paid monthly and always settle most of our accounts month-end so are of right now, I don't have any money.
Please give me advice. I don't know how to tell him or should I just do it coz he will be ugly and say things to me. I want him to leave but if he does not what do I do. I don't want to go live with my sister, they already mentioned that they will support me in everyway but also they want to be neutral. They know that he will blame them for me leaving him. He has this idea that I cannot think for myself.
Help!! loosing my mind.
Answer Hi Yasmita~
The problem is that he doesn't respect you as his wife, and he has a major drinking problem. You don't have to put up with this treatment from him nor should you. His behavior is inappropriate, rude and very unacceptable. You shouldn't feel like you have to stay with him out of obligation, guilt or due to the children. The children will grow up thinking it's normal and okay to disrespect you and others. When it's obviously not okay at all.
Why continue to be in an abusive marriage?! You can't keep tolerating his drinking and bad behavior. He needs to seek help for his drinking problem. But in order to do that he has to first acknowledge that he has a problem to begin with, and to seek the help that he so desperately needs to combat this problem.
You owe it to your children to get out of this unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilling marriage. You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. If that means that you ultimately have to leave him and do a trial separation at this point, then by all means do so. He's going to be ugly to you either way whether you stay or go.
A husband is supposed to love, honor and cherish his wife, and give her the respect she deserves. Not to degrade her, call her names, disrespect her, say she's nothing w/o him, not be able to have her own thoughts and feelings, etc. What kind of a marriage is that to have?; not one in my opinion. Something has to be done or it's only going to get that much worse as time goes on. The choice is one only you can make.
