AboutDonald Bosch Expertise I can answer most questions concerning marriage, commitment to a spouse, and what it takes to make a marriage an excellent and enriching experience for both partners.
Experience I have been married for 23 years to a wonderful treasure of a woman. We are now young retirees living on a small private island without road access to the mainland. This is not necessarily because I wish to keep my wife in a safe place, but more so because we enjoy each others company so much that we decided to move away from the mainstream hustle-bustle of society. We sold our business to change our lifestyle to allow for more time together. This allows me to spend 24 hours per day with my wife who also happens to be my best buddy, 7 days per week, 12 months per year. As we evolve together, we find more and more happiness in our marriage. We have raised a child and have lived, worked and loved together with harmony and happiness for a long time and will continue to do so. I can speak from my own experience and perhaps help others understand what is necessary to find happiness with your spouse. Married life is a challenge for many, but should not be at all. It is a commitment that needs to be nurtured and consistently maintained, and there are ways to make this quite easy to do.
I can answer questions in English and French.
Education/Credentials Adequate Passing Grades from The School of Life for the last 49 years.
Expert: Donald Bosch Date: 7/17/2008 Subject: What should I do?
Question Just to give a summary of what happened, I had a 2 mo. relationship outside of my 10 year marriage due to neglect from my spouse.We then tried to make things work 1 day after I told her that I wanted to be over with our marriage. 7 mo. after coming back home, she asks me for time apart and starts to see someone and did for about 3 mo. REcently she mentioned that she did what she did to show me how what it was like to go through it, and that in itself hurt so much. Now, after 2 mo. of talking, we are trying again, but I dont feel that she really wants to. She is very hard to communicate with, she is not a person that will discuss issues very easily with me, she just clams up and Im not a violent person, she says she would rather deal with it alone. Im having trust issues with her right now and I dont think she is doing anything wrong, Im looking through the cell bills and stuff to make sure then she get mad at me for doing it. How can I communicate with her and get a response and is what Im doing going though the ph bill wrong. Currently, we are NOT living together but have been talking about our future plans.
Thank you, Joe
Answer Hi Joe,
Sorry for the delay. I forgot to set up my vacation period.
I'm sorry to hear that you are having some trouble, and would like to mention that if you felt you had to have a relationship outside of your marriage due to neglect, then there were already some major issues with your marriage. the fact that your wife turned around and justified her extramarital affair by saying she wanted you to feel what is was like simply tells me that this is not a very serious relationship. I think that you both have to call a time out, and agree to sit down and discuss this mater once and for all. I think you both have a take a step back and go over your inventory of feelings and memories and decide if you want to add to those together or apart.
You need to stop checking after her and simply understand that if she needs to be elsewhere than with you, she will do that whether you check her or not.
Serious and mature discussion is the only thing that you both need to focus on right now. If she won't do that, then she may not find your relationship worth saving. That would then be your answer and you need then to make decisions based on that. Be patient, talk things out totally and do not be afraid to expose all your feelings.
Show her first of all, that you are serious about wanting to be with her, and that you are able to discuss without getting too emotional. Never lose your cool, because then it doesn't work in your favor.
Talk, talk, talk......and get all of the bad stuff out in the open. Start afresh. Never bring up the past once you have decided to move on and make sure that you both have expressed your needs and desires.
