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My husband of 34 years has retired and wants to go on his dream trip. I'm still working and frankly his dream isn't mine. I'm sad that he wants to spend close to a year away. I thought we would improve our home and lives together.I feel he is being selfish and I'm doubtful we can survive the separation. We are in counseling but have not been able to reach a compromise. Please help.

Answer
Hi Suzanne,

I am so sorry for your distress. When one spouse retires and the other doesn't it can raise all sorts of issues. In your case, it sounds like he wants to roam, and you want to stay home. While most therapists would lean on you both to compromise, it sounds like your art talking about that, but your situation would be a toughie for that. After all, not many of us can leave our jobs for a significant amount of time.

It could be that your husband just wants to take a break from the marriage for a while. Only you two know if your relationship can survive that. Sometimes time apart can be a renewing experience, and other times it feels so good that couples choose to keep it permanent.

You ask for help but some things aren't fixable. If he won't compromise and insists on going you have two choices:

1. Accept it.
2. End the marriage.

All you can do is decide which one fits you best. I am sorry, but that is all I know to tell you. I hope this helps.

Doctor Becky  

Marriage

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