Marriage/My husband drinking rum 24/7 and causing me concern
Hiya, I'm 41 and my husband's 43, we're from the North Midlands, United Kingdom.
For the past few weeks my husband's started to drink rum.
Breakfast, dinner, tea and supper - he feels he can't start or end the day without it. He even put rum in my cup of tea as a "joke" - I only noticed it when the tea tasted horrid!
He's already on suspension from work for 2 weeks for drinking rum in the office and ordering it online delivered to his workplace (via a local online alcohol shop), and banned from his local gym for a week for consuming rum whilst using the machines which meant he had to go to hospital.
Normally he's a loving kind person and a great husband and father, but now he's just obsessed, and I mean obsessed with rum, he wants to go on holiday to the Caribbean to see it being made and buy some, hell, he's even tried to get our 16-year-old daughter to give people some 'rum cupcakes' in school but she's having none of it.
I mean, such is his obsession with rum, he's got the downstairs toilet filled with bottles of the stuff - he claims it's good for Christmas time as presents, hell, he even gives away some of it to friends and people who come round!
Is he an alcoholic? I'm not so sure, as he never used to be into drinking this much, he was always a social drinker.
Asking him where he got this interest from did get somewhere - he admitted it was when he met this new mixologist friend of his, John (not his real name), who experiments with different drinks and cocktails. John's a former engineer/lorry-driver-turned-mixologist and charity fundraiser.
What should I do about this? I don't want to divorce him as this is the first time he's ever had such an 'obsession' and it's so out-of-character for him, but what would you do if you were in my situation?
This not just a fascination with rum, it's an obsession as you put it. It's starting to take over his life and it's badly effecting his normal daily functions in life. That's a real problem for not only you but him as well. If I were in your situation, I would insist on getting to the bottom of what the driving force is behind this new obsession. I would make him tell me what is his real reason for him acting this way. I come from a line of alcoholics on my father's side (thanks to the Irish heritage in them), and my father was an alcoholic almost his entire life, and he died one, at the age of 63, suddenly and unexpectedly. I was estranged from him for most of my teenage and adult life. And he's been dead now for 12 yrs this month. So I have a huge problem with those that drink alcohol and I choose not to be around it and avoid it like the plague.
I can guarantee you there IS something behind why he's doing this and behaving this way. It's become so bad that it's now disrupting your daily lives. Back to the point of if this were me in your current situation. I would attempt to discuss this issue with him in a calm manner, and give him a better chance to explain himself. If I were not satisfied with his reasoning, I would then give him an ultimatum. Which would be along the lines of, he needs to seek treatment for this new obsession and get professional help and intervention, or I was going to separate from him. He has to first acknowledge that he has a problem, before he can seek help. Secondly, he has to be a will participant and want to accept the help that he so desperately needs at this point in time.
If he refuses to seek help and admit that he does have a problem, he risks losing everything that he has worked hard for in life and everything that means anything to him, such as you, your daughter, his job, the marriage, your home, etc. He risks alienating family, friends, and the list goes on and on. You have to get him to see just exactly what he's jeopardizing by keeping this unhealthy obsession with rum.
You also need to check into some sort of support system for you, maybe Al-Anon, which is a world wide organization that helps families/loved ones of alcoholics. It's going to be a tough thing for you to endure and to get through. If he chooses to make his life continue in a downward spiral (and it very well could end up that way), he's going to end up bring you with him. And you can't afford to go that route, especially when you have a child to think about. You're in a tough spot right now. There is help out there for him (if he chooses to accept it) and for you, so don't feel you have to go through this alone b/c you certainly don't. I hope this helps you some.