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Marriage/fork in the road


So my fiancÚ and I (of 5 years) have been having issues lately. We have a 2 year old boy, so every decision I make is based on how it will effect our family, every decision my fiancÚ makes is based on how fun it will be for himself.

Needless to say I have been working and trying to go to med school while my fiancÚ sits at home and does nothing, I will come home to a HUGE mess, food all over the place, dishes piled up, crayon on the walls... and he is just sitting on his phone (he is secretly married to it and VERY much attached).

I have argued up and down and I can not get him to pitch in and clean, he has been out of work for a year now, spends his time on the phone and fishing as much as possible. He has had a job lined up for about 10 months now but is to lazy to finish the classes that should have only taken him 3 months to finish.

He has god awful credit, due to paying bills late because he just didn't "feel" like paying them or he "forgot" even when I remind him almost daily when we get them.

My credit is now starting to suffer because a few things have had to go into my name and I cant do everything and all I ask is he watch our toddler, help with house work and help me get the bills paid on time.

I love him to death, but this past year he has become insanely lazy and selfish. Never was he like this before. I am trying so hard to make a better life for us, our son mostly, and he is making it impossible for me and is actually digging us into a really deep hole.

I have told him that I want to leave so that I can do what I need to do to get through school and care for our son but he will guilt trip me and I feel bad because I really do love him, I just cant have my life ruined, I just don't know what the best choice is... Take me and my son away and finish what I need to for the next 6 years or stay and possibly have everything ruined.

Hi Amber~

You're already doing everything on your own as it is.  You just won't have to keep supporting his butt in the process.  He's already ruining your credit and your life to boot.  This nonsense really has got to stop.  It's already coming at a great expense to you as it is.  The thing is you have to say what you mean and mean what you say, otherwise, he knows that your word is no good b/c you won't back up what you say you're going to do.  He's using you and taking you for granted.  Hence, why he's good at the guilt trip when you do threaten to leave and take your son too.  Do you want your son growing up treating women like his father does? I'm sure you don't.  Then you have to set a good example to your son as his role model.  Did you know the most powerful role model in a child's life is the same sexed parent.  Scary if you stop and think about what he's teaching your son.  That it's okay or normal to grow up where the woman or mother busts their hump to provide for the family, while dad sits around and doesn't nothing to help around the house or to pull his weight around the home.  Not okay in the least.  

You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this relationship.  If he can't change and help you, then he needs to go.  He's become a burden to you and it's already starting to take a huge toll on you and your son.  Once you tell him you must stick to your word and not let him sweet talk you into saying he'll change.  Some men are very good at telling a woman what they want to hear and thus nothing ever changes. It's only going to get that much worse as time goes on.  He's doing this b/c he knows you will tolerate it.  You have to stop being his enabler.  When you enable him by putting up with this crap, you're saying it's okay for him to act this way.  You may not be saying it with your words, but with your actions you are condoning what he's doing.  Actions speak way louder than words ever can.  

This is why it's crucial that you sit him down and make it crystal clear to him that you can not and will not put up with this any longer from here on out.  And stick to your guns, or he'll never take you seriously or at your words again.  Something has to give here.  You have to think of the well being of yourself and your son.  The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.  I hope this helps you some.  


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