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Marriage/My husband doesn't want sex but tries, I need help please


My husband doesn't want sex very often (he used to), and this has worried me.
Unlike other questions here, at least I know why; he said to me it has negative connotations due to the fact his dad forced him when he was 14 to watch him having sex with his sister (i.e. his aunt) and he feels sick thinking about sex. His dad had sex with his aunt, which made him feel sick. He told me the memories come and go, and even though he wasn't physically abused, it was mental torture seeing it.
I knew nothing of this; his family came to our wedding and his dad seemed like a lovely man.
He's a loving, caring man, and gentle; he is romantic, and wants to have sex, but can't get rid of the memories from when he was a teenager (I'm 32, he's 29).
He says he wants help but I don't know how to help him, he wants sex but says he struggles to shake off what he saw as a teenager.
As a couple, what can we do to get sex back on track, especially as he's been trying hard to be sexual with me?
(BTW, I am married, never changed my surname)

Hi Marie~

I can certainly understand how this torments him and it can make him have flashbacks of what he went through.  I can't imagine how awful this situation was for him to go through.  How terrible and traumatic this must be for him.  I could strongly urge him to go to individual therapy.  He MUST deal with this in order for things to be manageable so that he can cope and deal with this in life.  It's not something that he'll ever really get over, but it can be dealt with.  If he can't deal with it and face his fears and what this has done to him, he will never be able to move forward and this will continue to be an issue that will haunt him for the rest of his life.   It needs to be a counselor that specializes in some form of sexual abuse or traumatic events.  He might have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), it has to be properly diagnosed though by a doctor and psychologist or psychiatrist.  If this doesn't help you could check into seeing a sex therapist. They deal with a wide variety of sex issues.  Perhaps this might help as a last ditch effort.  I'm sure it's very frustrating for you as well.  I hope this helps you some.  


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