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Marriage/Husband leaving me (a follow-up)

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Samantha,
thank you for replying. I simply cannot understand why my husband did this, and unbelievably, he said he was taking our son to live with him and my mother. He said he's getting the kid and that's that. I don't want that to happen.
Won't this make her both his grandmother and stepmother? Also, won't it affect his schooling etc. - imagine her coming to pick him up at the gates, parents evening etc.

If that wasn't bad enough, I found photos of her in a bikini on his mobile, and sitting smoking with her in the garden - him topless, her with breasts showing.

I did speak to a friend on the phone, but her philosophy was 'You only get one mother and one life to live, so try and get on with her'.

She's began wearing skimpy outfits around him, including a crop top meant for 20-year-olds - you can see her midriff showing etc.

I'm wondering, won't this relationship fail to last the course, etc. what if she becomes poorly or gets a stroke etc.

On Facebook they have 100 photos of each other; including my mum dressed as a dominatrix.

In 10 years from now, when our son's a teenager, how could this affect him and me?

With regard to wider family issues, could a family feud break out because of this?

I'm still struggling to cope, seeing a counsellor in our area is slim to none (I live on the edges of Wigan/Salford) and I only feel happy when in work.

It doesn't help when a neighbor told me he'd seen my husband and mum passionately kissing in the local park; my mum was wearing a bikini top, despite the frosty weather.

I'm really upset and feeling stressed, how should me and my dad handle this?

Answer
Hi Julia~

He probably expects you to cower down to him and allow him to take your son to live with him and your mother.  I would tell him absolutely no way in hell that's ever going to happen, period.  He will try to use your son as a pawn in all this, don't let him do that. You have to stand up for your son and refuse to let your husband bully you.  I know here in the USA the first person to file for a divorce the court usually favors them (not always), but you'd have a lot to use against him to make him look pretty bad, the traipsing around town with your mother, having an affair with her, trying to use your son against you and the list goes on and on.  

I can almost guarantee you that this relationship will not last.  He will most likely grow tired of her and being with her will grow old (no pun intended).  They don't really have much in common with age differences and if he settles down with her, is he really going to be okay with her dressing younger, going out and doing as they are doing now?  Or if the situation were reverses and she wanted to stay at home and dress that way any longer, would he grow tired of that and go looking for another woman who would do the things she is doing now?  They are not thinking of the future, they are living in the here and now, and they are not even being practical about anything. They are being selfish and self indulgent with each other, that can only last so long and go so far.

In 10 yrs when your sons a teen, he will be very embarrassed b/c his father is with his grandmother.  Do you know how much fun of he will be made of? He will be unmercifully teased by his peers.  He will not want anything to do with either of them.  You might be a little better off, b/c you had a chance to cope and deal with this situation being an adult and as time passes you can learn to move on in life.  Of course, it'll always be in the back of your mind somewhere.  

If you can find a decent support system in you area, or in friends or family, then do so.  At least have someone you trust to talk to.  Everyone needs someone to talk to and know that they care about you. I hope I've answered all your questions.  

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Samantha

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I can answer most any type of questions relating to marriage and relationships. I have been divorced and I`m happily remarried. I have been through many things throughout the years. I will try to offer solutions to a problem you have whether it be; divorce, adultery, advice on a spouse, etc. I`d be happy to answer, to the best of my ability, any questions you might have. I promise to be unbiased and non-judgemental. As I like to remain neutral and try to see things from every angle possible and keep an open mind.

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I have been a volunteer for all experts for over 10 yrs now. I volunteer in 2 catagories/topics involving marriage type issues. I have helped a lot of people.

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