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Marriage/My husband is leaving me [long post]


My husband admitted to me yesterday that he's leaving me, and the reason why shocked me and turned my stomach. He said he was leaving me for my mother, he'd married me solely to get access to her, and that they're in love. He said they're talking of getting married in 6 months and he's going to divorce me for her. He admitted he and my mum had been going to posh restaurants in secret whilst my dad was at work - he's nearing retirement age, but works because he wants to and enjoys it.
My dad knows nothing of this, he loves her dearly.
I'm 31, he's 34, and we've got a 6-year-old son. I just do not know how to cope, it's making me feel sick thinking about it.
How will the family dynamics change? I have to tell my dad about it, as he doesn't know, and I worry about his reaction; he's a gentle, kind, loving, eccentric man.
What issues will pop up as this situation develops?
I feel worried and shocked knowing the other woman was my mother.
Apart from a divorce [obviously], what else should I do and what would you do if a friend was going through my situation?

Sorry to rush, on wifi that's shared here, may not be able to check over next few days.

Hi Julia~

I would be horrified if I were in your situation.  And, as you already know, in no way, shape or form is this okay or acceptable for them to do to your dad, you and your family.  That's simply awful and unimaginable.  There are certain lines you just don't cross and this is obviously one of them.  I can almost guarantee that this relationship will not last.  A relationship borne out of infidelity doesn't last.  And most of all if he'll do it with you (meaning cheating) he'll do it to you.  So, he'll likely return the favor to her later and get with some other woman.  It's almost sick it you think about it.  I'm sorry that he's doing this to your father and you.  Not to mention that your son might need therapy after hearing/seeing daddy with grandma.  I bet he didn't think of that, or maybe he simply doesn't care.  Wow, is all I can say. I feel bad for those that are affected by this in a negative way.  Selfish is too nice of a word to describe what they have done to you and your family.

If it were a friend of mine that were going through this same situation, I would encourage them to get out of the marriage, and the sooner the better.  Then I would tell him/her to seek some therapy for him/herself and any children involved.  This is going to do so much damage that it will most likely be beyond any repair at all.  I would try to support my friend to the best of my ability, even if I didn't understand what they were going through.  I'd just offer my encouragement and be willing to listen to them when they needed it.  You will eventually get through this, although it will take quite awhile to do so.  

If this were my husband, I would sit him down and talk to him and let him know just how angry and upset and disgusted I was with him for doing this to me.  Then I'd serve him with divorce papers and have contact with him only when absolutely necessary, for visitation, etc.  As for my mother, I'd probably never talk to her again, and I'd cut all ties off with her.  What they've both done is the ultimate betrayal by family.  And it's not acceptable under any circumstances.  Now this might sound extreme, but it's something I would do for myself only.  I couldn't be around someone knowing that they did something so awful and deceitful to me.  It would be too painful to look at them.  That's just me though, I realize every situation and person it different.  You have to do whatever works for you and what makes you happy.  The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.  I hope this helps you some.  


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