Marriage/Husband travelling to Canada - an update
I wrote in at http://en.allexperts.com/q/Marriage-3223/2013/9/husband-travelling-canada-often.
, and now I have the reason why my husband is doing so; well, two actually.
He admitted he'd been blogging about the best restaurants and enjoying the response he got online; he said he had 20,000 followers on his blog and Twitter feed.
There is another woman; however, it isn't what you think; the other woman was actually a half-sister that he never knew about until now (the food blogging came first), she's 39 but has the emotional maturity of a 22-year-old and is learning-disabled, possibly autistic/Aspergers syndrome, and is the result of an affair my husband's father had on a drunken night out years ago with a local Canadian woman who was a friend of his. Amazingly, she gets on well with his mum and she's long forgiven him.
He admitted to me he'd been going to do two things; food blogging and seeing the half-sister in secret, out of embarrassment.
She's 39, but likes acting like an 22-year-old; enjoys clubbing and all-night parties and has outbursts of crying and emotion (signs of learning disability).
I've never met her, but my husband's too embarrassed to let me meet her, but he's never outright said I can't.
At least I know why he was going to Canada from here in St. Paul, Minnesota, and the reasons weren't as sinister as some people might think (i.e. affair).
He was rather tearful and low when explaining this to me.
I'm not sure how to move on now, with this and need help in how to cope; at least he's not having an affair, but now at least some, if not all of it, is explained.
Well, at least you finally got to the bottom of why he was doing it. As I said previously there's a reason for everything. It may not always be what we want or something that we can understand why. It's funny that you mention his half sister has Asperger's. I happen to have two children that have this disability. It's not really that big of a deal to be honest, Asperger's Syndrome is not the end of the world. It's definitely something that you have to get used to. Asperger's is usually accompanied by other disorders, such as OCD, ADHD, ODD, etc. My oldest daughter has Asperger's and bi-polar she's so bad that she has to be in an assisted living and can not live on her own. She can't do the very basics of caring for herself w/o assistance. It's heartbreaking really. But whenever I've been out with her in public I've never once been embarrassed by her b/c of her disabilities. Now my 15 yo, yes, she's the exact opposite of her oldest sister. She has ADHD and Asperger's. She's one of the most rude, obnoxious child you'd ever be around. And normally I can't stand to be around her for more than 10 mins at a time. Sad but true. I can understand to a certain extent of why he was hiding this from you. It's not his sister's fault that she has this issues, but by the same token, I can see why he wouldn't want ppl to know. There are too many ppl in this day and age that are judgemental and don't know how to deal with or to react to a person with special needs.
This is my suggestion to you. Do a search engine like Google for Asperger's Syndrome it's a form of Autism. Autism comes in many spectrums, some worse than others. Asperger's is manageable though with routine, consistency, etc. And it'll take him time to adjust to being around her. Asperger's children and ppl can actually be very smart, my oldest is borderline genius. She's extremely smart and talented with her writing and drawing. She even graduated high school. But she is extremely immature for her age. Her age maturity is about a 7 yo. Bless her heart, she's a loving child when she's not treated like she has a disability. She's often said how she longs to be normal like everyone else. I treat her like a normal person and don't focus on her inabilities that she was born with. And I know that she appreciates that. Anyway, I got off track again. Google it and read up on it, and educate yourself on Asperger's and then offer to go with him if you can to lend him some support. I'm sure he'd really appreciate you wanting to go and get to know his sister.
I think he went about this all the wrong way, when he should've just been honest from you from the beginning, I'm sure that's what hurts the most is, that he felt he couldn't tell you or anyone else. Try not to judge him or be upset with him, but make it clear to him that all of this could've been avoided, if he would've just reached out to you with what he was doing and where he was going the whole time. By explaining how this hurt you and you getting it off of your chest should help you a lot. So that you might move forward from all this and put it behind you. It will take some time but you should be okay in the future. And this really can bring you closer together as a couple. I hope this helps you some.