Marriage/My children's father just showed up suddenly after years in obscurity and I have no idea what to do
I live in Haines City, Florida and have 3 daughters; twins [non-identical] aged 23 and a 19-year-old daughter who is their half-sister born to my husband (the twins' stepdad). The twins were born in 1989, and the father (who I'd been dating for 2 years) left when they were just 18 months old and disappeared into obscurity, not seen since. He was never abusive or mean, a good guy. I didn't even hear anything from him
Our marriage has been good, there has NEVER been any of the "You're not my dad" or "You can't tell me what to do" at all, they love their stepdad and actually call him Dad, even though I never told them they had to.
However, in the last week or so, their dad suddenly turned up at our house; he came in an old 1980s Buick Regal, he looked obese and slovenly, and came showing a photo. I asked him when he turned up at the door who he was and he said "I'm Mark [not his real name], your ex from years ago, remember the good ol' days" and showed me a photo of us on a beach. He was obese and stunk horribly of booze and fags. To be honest, I didn't remember him, but I let him in out of politeness and the fact he managed to verify himself. He admitted he'd got friends to trace me on Facebook (I'm not on there, but some of my friends/work colleagues are) - he said one of our old high school photos was on there.
I told him the girls don't live here any more - well, not technically true - one of the 21 year old twins does, and our 19 year old daughter does, but she was working a shift at the convenience store. My husband was at work anyway (he works for a local Toyota dealer and deals in the distribution side of things, managing delivery etc.)
He then said to me "I drove from Stockton, California for this!! Didn't come here for nothing". That's like 2,857 miles, a 40 hour drive (Google Maps tells me this anyway)!
I'm in two minds here; should I let him see his now grown-up children again, or do you think he will do a disappearing act?
As far as my children are concerned, he'd probably be a stranger to them. Yes, he may be their dad biologically, but not emotionally. To them their stepdad would be their dad (well, for the 19-year-old half-sister it is the case).
I don't really know what to do and would appreciate some advice on this; this situation is pretty new to me.
** I am on a public terminal right now, so may not get to see this until later on. Thanks for understanding.
You should mention to your twins that he dropped by the house unannounced and wanted to see them. Then you leave it up to them to decide if they want to talk to and meet him, then they can. Otherwise, I'd just be up front and blunt with him that the nerve he had just showing up out of the blue and suddenly dropping into your lives. And how dare he just show up like he did. He can't expect the twins to just open their arms and lovingly accept him back after he left their lives so abruptly. At any rate leave the decision up to them. Try to remain neutral for the girls if you can. I hope this helps you some.