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Marriage/I don't feel my wife is as committed to our marriage as I am.


My wife gets really frustrated and angry when things don't go her way and/or gets what she wants and turns her frustration on me to the point that I'm thinking about filing for divorce. We have been married for almost 5 years and have a 1.5 yr old son. The current problem we are going through now started because of us having to cancel a trip on vacation that we were suppose to take in two weeks. The back story is that about six months ago I started an application process for a State law enforcement job that is suppose to commence in January 2014 if all goes well. I have been going through vigorous training, physically and mentally, to be prepared and have successfully made it through all the tests and background checks required up to this point. Currently I'm at the final step but this is where the problem started. The state contacted me and asked me to travel to the capital for two days for the final assessments and scheduled those days on the days our trip was planned. There was no option of rescheduling, it was either go on those dates or start the whole process from the beginning next year. I discussed it with my wife, knowing she has really been looking forward for this trip all year, and suggested canceling the application process and starting all over next June(2014) in order to not have to cancel the trip. To my surprise she disagreed and said to "go to the Capitol, you've worked very hard to get to this point to just quit because of a trip. That's what we got the 'trip insurance' for, for unexpected situations like this where we can't go. We can just schedule it for another time." I praised her for her support and apologized as well for having to reschedule but she said she understood, it was beyond my power. So the days she tried to reschedule for were unavailable and ultimately we had to cancel and get refunded which was only 60% of what we actually paid. But now she's lost it, she continuously texts me while at work saying she knew the trip was "bs", that it was all too good to be true, that she's gonna buy the expensive camera that she's wanted with the money we are being refunded. She's continuously taking other jabs at me like if it was my fault. There is no speaking to her either all she does is ignore me ands gives me the cold shoulder but when I'm gone at work the verbal assault begins through texts. I'm just so tired of it now, she says one thing and means the other. I try to communicate with her and fix problems to calm her frustration but nothing works. I've recommended counseling in the past but her reply was "how is a stranger going to know more about our relationship than us, no!". I'm at a dead end now I don't know what to do. I can't cancel the trip to the Capitol anymore because she already canceled the vacation trip anyway so that would be "for nothing", like she put it. What can I do to fix my situation? I don't want a divorce but I don't know what else to do? I can't give her all she wants and she isn't happy if she doesn't have everything her way. Thank you for your time and I'm so sorry for such a long letter.

She's selfish and controlling.
You deserve more.  We all deserve to be respected by our partners.  Really we do.  Having a loving healthy respectful relationship is not a myth.  People really do have them and so can you.
Question yourself: Take a look at yourself. Seriously, why have you allowed yourself to be a doormat in your relationship? Is it low self-worth? Insecurity?
Sometimes it is easy for us to get lost in the other person's perceotion of us. Let's take a look for ourselves. Make a list of what good qualities you bring to the relationship. Take time to feel good about them. Often we forget who we are. Take some time out to rediscover your good qualities and know that you are too awesome to be anyone's doormat.
There is an old saying that we teach people how to treat us. This means that we have allowed our partner to wipe their feet on us and disengage when it comes to our feelings. Right now, stop that.  Remember, your feelings do count.
Place down boundaries: To not be a doormat in a relationship, you must also have boundaries with your wife. Boundaries are knowing your own limits.Tell her " I find this unacceptable.
Here’s the deal, in order not to be treated like a doormat you must not act like one.
Communicate consequences: Often the reasons we are treated like a doormat in a relationship is that our partners know no consequences. They have been taught; by us, that they can do and say whatever they want to because we allow them to. Again, stop that. When someone does something you don’t like you can let her know that you don’t like it and that you will have to leave if the behavior continues. If it continues – leave. That is the only way you can make her accountable for her behavior.  We have to say it is no longer acceptable to be treated like that and take action to have our own back.
Stand your ground with love: When you have followed through with the steps above and have had to place boundaries and set consequences, then you have to also stick with them. If you allow someone to get away with a behavior that hurts you or you set consequence for someone and they do the behavior and you still end up taking it, then you have placed yourself on the ground again, and before you know it you feel like you have poop on your face.
Ultimately, if your partner still treats you like you have no say in how you are to be treated, and is still walking over you as if you are the doormat. Leave. It’s not about you. It’s their need to be superior due to their own baggage and fears. Let go, and liberate both of you at the same time. She's not taking ur feelings into consideration.She is being very selfish.....When you get married you are a team you share the responsibility of everything!!!!
you have to have balance in your life. You could go to the best counselor money could buy but if you have already told her how you feel and she will not change maybe you know how the saying goes "you do not know how good you have it till it is gone" You definitely need to explore whether a mistake has been made in marrying this woman. She seems to have more invested outside of her marriage than in and does not seem willing to work on it. And control? - she has all of the control over the situation.

I would confront her with very serious ultimatums if I were you. You have been emotionally dumped. you may say "
I can't do this all by myself."  While you will likely eventually need at least some cooperation on her part, you can certainly start the process solo.  Even small successful changes that you are able to implement will usually eventually inspire her to take some action.

you'll want to identify what it is that you want from your wife.  If you could have her change in any way, what would this be.  For example, if you want more affection from her, then you need to model this by giving her more of your affection.  If you want her to listen to you more, become a good listener yourself.tell her to read  this prayer; Dear Lord,Please transform my heart and remove my selfishness, for it only leads to isolation in my marriage. I don’t want to be selfish. i want to be like your Son, who is compassionate, kind, and humble. I desire to think of my husband more than myself and make choices that would benefit us as one and not just myself. I lay my life before you, knowing that I struggle with selfishness and invite your Holy Spirit to prune this part of me in Jesus name AMEN!Dear Lord,

Please cover our home. Surround us with your peace; strengthen us with your love and protect us from destroying the gifts you have given us. My flesh is weak. I am often times selfish, operating with a self-focused perspective. This leads me to say and do things that can hurt my husband, that does hurt my husband. I am so sorry for being selfish. I am sorry for thinking that I am so deserving and that I have the right to treat others any way I want. My pride brings me down. But you, you humble me. Lord, please restore my marriage and mend the brokenness that I have caused. Help my husband and I to operate out of love. I pray that you would anoint our home and our hearts in Jesus name Amen!•Please refine me and make me the woman, wife and follower You want me to be.•Do a deep work in me to expose and root out all self-centeredness, fear and pride.•Help me forgive my stubborn independence, self focus and reliance, and prayerlessness.•Help me take my focus off my self and focus on the needs of my husband.•Help me desire to know my husband at a deeper, more intimate level. Help me make time.
•Would you “work in me to will and to do of your good pleasure” in my marriage.
•Would you destroy every lie I have listened to about my hubby not being what I really need, and allow me to experience great victory in our relationship today.•Help me give up my rights and expectations regarding marriage and simply follow You.
•Help us experience great breakthroughs in our marriage today.•Show me how to love my husband today.
•Give me a passion to know him and what I can do to please You as his the end of the day marriage matters!it takes compromise,understanding,respect,sacrifice,willingness;Takes two to have a marriage. SHe should care about your feelings enough not to do those things to you.
Have you thought to yourself, "I don't want a divorce but I don't know what to do"? Are you struggling with all the mixed emotions you're feeling about your wife and your marriage?
You may call me old-fashioned after reading my response here, but I think we all could use a little old-fashioned common sense now and then. When we marry someone, the goal is to become one in a healthy way - one shared life, one shared home, one shared family. Becoming one isn't a negative thing, but a very good and healthy way to travel through life together.
I fully believe that YOU, your marriage, and your hopes and dreams for a happy future together are well worth it. Sit down together and come up with a plan on how and when this all will come to be. Make it happen. It makes no sense to live a divorced life while you're still married!no divorce '
you need to find the strength within you to actually stand up for your marriage.
for the wife;Don't Take Each Other for Granted
If you are taking your spouse for granted because you believe that your partner will always be there for you, you are making a huge mistake. Not taking your spouse for granted means being tuned in to how your spouse feels and what your spouse thinks. Not taking your spouse for granted means you listen, you don't interrupt, and you show and tell your spouse of your love.Reevaluate how you both spend your time and consider how to simplify your lives whether you are newlyweds, a couple with children, or an empty nest couple. If you are over worked, over extended, and over tired, you put your marriage at risk.{she says one thing and means the other,she's changing all over a trip and now materialism about a camera,makes no sense;confusing.To say one thing and mean another is sarcasm. The term most commonly used to describe saying one thing and meaning another is irony, in particular verbal irony. Verbal irony is defined as a disparity of expression and intention, i.e when a literal meaning is contrary to its intended effect or saying one thing and meaning another. An example of verbal irony is when a person says "Your coat is really lovely" but really they mean, often expressed in their tone, that is coat is not lovely at all. Verbal irony is quite similar to sarcasm, although sarcasm has a more obvious intention of the alternative meaning being shown.reading your post,i can tell u feel helpless{friction; if one side does not show the same honesty and trust as the other and indulge in game playing and deception. If there not enough trust between the two, honesty shown by a spouse may not be appreciated by other and may cause misunderstanding. Many marriages fail because the couple involved are not mature enough to appreciate each other and accommodate each other. When the thinking in a marriage turns to "what you should do" instead of "what I can do" or "what we can do" you can expect that the marriage has reached a conflict stage. Marriage is a compromise of sorts in which you have to make adjustments. If you do not have the flexibility and want the other person to make all the adjustments, most likely you can expect that marriage to fail.The way I try to resolve issues like this is to teach couples how to discuss issues instead of just yelling and having the entire situation turning into World War III. There are several steps couples can take to have a good, open, and loving discussion, and to reduce the friction in their relationship by learning to resolve the very important issues that cause them to misunderstand each others feelings.

One of the most effective steps I teach couples is to express their anger, fears, aggravations, and concerns to their partner. This allows them the freedom of opening up without the fear of confrontation. It is a very simple method, but has certain rules which must be followed.One of the most complex interactions we face in life is the relationship with our partners. There is often some initial spark which brings two people together, but for a relationship to thrive it requires communication, cooperation, and compromise. This is only one of the many techniques which can be used to help couple resolve issues, but by teaching couples how to effectively communicate, it helps to strengthen the foundations of their relationship.
There are many reasons, which on the surface seem ridiculous, but contribute to most of the misunderstandings between couples. And most of the times, couples are not even aware of these causes of friction. It helps to identify these reasons so that you can resolve them before they embitter your relationship.
Unwillingness to Make Compromises
It takes effort from both partners to make a relationship work. Effort translates into compromising for your partner. If you are a shopaholic but your partner's finances are insufficient to meet your demands, you need to change your shopping behavior. Similarly, it wouldn't help the relationship if you are always busy with your work and refuse to take some time to spend with her. Incompatible personalities also lead to clashes. A freedom-loving partner would find you unbearable if you are a control-obsessive mate. It is crucial to take time to understand each other's personalities and make allowances for deficiencies if you want to build the relationship.
Conflict within relationships is inevitable and can sorely test a couple's bond. Money and sex...

I pray God's grace be unto,peace be upon you and may he strengthen your heart and direct your path;feel free to email me anytime,i am here to be a blessing,a hope and a prayer,i hope i have helped in some way,good luck,Peace until



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I specialise in helping couples save their marriage and rebuild it after major hurts such as an affair. Creating intimacy, removing hurt, dealing with sexual and communication problems.I can answer questions about issues arising in marriage: conflict, communication, listening, anger, verbal abuse, infidelity, addiction/substance abuse, pornography, physical abuse, time spent together, finances, in-laws, death of a spouse or child, separation and divorce,forgiveness,anger management issues, problem-solving and much more.


I have over 20 years as a counselor for couples experiencing difficulties. I have been a counselor for over 20 years,26years of marriage.I have been a student of this subject for over a decade and have not only researched it but lived it in my own life!

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I have a bachelor of Philosophy from CPCC in Charlotte NC I can comfortably answer questions about developing or salvaging a strong marriage relationship.

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I have a PhD in Metaphysics, Divinity, am a Minister with Friendship Baptist Church,faithful member, i would love to be a good samaritan to help couples to be blessed with positive answers.

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