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My husband had an affair I confronted him after I was sure His way of dealing with this was to run off and get a flat then moving the other woman in it only lasted a short time with them
He and I maintained communication threw out all of this he has asked to come back home saying he loves me always did always will I have let him back weekends only so far to see if we could possibly put this behind us and have a better and stronger marriage In the future The problem I have is that he wants to act as though this has not happened and forget about it I see he has changed in a few ways he seems arrogant at times stand offish then loving at other times He still keeps his mobile phone code locked and hidden away When I asked who decided to end their affair he said it was him I believe this to be true from what friends have told me they heard the other woman saying he broke her heart I am not sure how he should be acting towards me to prove he really wants to be with me and our children but I just feel he is not doing enough I must point out in thirty years of being married this is the first and only time he has done anything like this and I do still love him he will not talk to me about the affair is this a normal way of dealing with the betrayal

first off;resolve why he cheated on you in the first place or it could happen again and not be in denial,he's still hiding,locking  and being sometimey with you,even after u took him back is a red flag,he maybe still chasing this other woman,trust ur gut.he owe it to u to talk to you,marriage is communication,he made that bed so that let him treat u like a doormat,sounds like he and she didn't make it so he had no choice but to return home,my honest opinion by how he is acting,no remorse or,he is keeping mobile locked for some odd reason,called hiding something, move onhe needs to communicate to you
why the affair occurred in the first place.he along is
responsible for the direction of your relationship.
important to understand that couples cheat because something is lacking in their relationship. This statement might make you furious right now but you must avoid the blame game as this will never resolve the problems that lead to an affair.
physical or emotional, what is lacking in your relationship that lead him to find solace with another?
The act of cheating itself can instantly break the heart of a partner, saying sorry, apologizing and promising that it will never happen again will do little to help the healing process, regain trust and save relationship after cheating.1st thing 1st;
In order to heal after an affair and turn things around and save your relationship you must be completely honest with one another. That may sound impossible considering the break down of trust after an affair but both you and your partner need to understand exactly what lead to an affair.
how you will fix what is lacking in your relationship to ensure it never happens again.
Avoiding the truth, being in denial and simply forgiving your partner will do little to resolve the holes in your relationship that lead to the affair.
Assess the relationship before attempting to get back together. If there are serious fundamental issues that can't be overcome and that you don't see eye-to-eye on, rethink getting back together, as the same issues could crop up again.
Both of you need space and time to yourselves to really think about what went wrong and if things could change. It's important to think about why you want to get back together. Be honest with yourself.when a woman let's a man cheat on her and she just let's him back in,it makes it easy for him to do the same thing,knowing you will just tolerate it for the sake of marriage/children,be no man doormat.wondering is he relationship committed material cause he didn't stay with the other woman long.personally speaking;If he did it before with you, I am afraid he's not a guy you can trust.why did he do it "with you" in the first place? Ask yourself the question..... If he truly had respect for you,After all he didn't think twice about stealing on you and no concern for your kids?"
No one steals a human being.the other woman is not the blame here
Each individual makes and is responsible for their own decisions and choices. personally believe the responsibility is with the individuals in a committed relationship not with the individual they cheated with. The individual in a relationship can always say no I am in a relationship and not justify betrayal.u must show him example that u will not tolerate him having his cake,cream and eating it to.I still have a dificult time thinking admirably about a person who does not respect the sanctity of a relationship. he could have said, "This goes no further until he have resolved the relationship he's in." Then walked away.about respecting yourself enough to treat others with respect. But you are right that the blunt of the repsonsibility is on the coward who couldn't complete his business with one woman until he had someone else ready to replace her., and now he's back/ Can you ever really trust him? I sure couldn't but everybody is different. nothing wrong with saving marriage but i wouldn't let him come back right away like all is well.questions to ask self;He is spending less time with you?
He is being less affectionate?Perhaps he doesn't cuddle with you in bed anymore. Or he comes to bed fully dressed when he once slept nude. These are all ways of disconnecting and may indicate he is getting his intimacy somewhere else/His cell phone habits have changed
The first step in dealing with infidelity is to recognize whether your relationship should be salvaged,When you start getting to the root of the affair, clarity sets in, and you can decide if you want to stay or leave.  But until you really address these questions, it could happen again," Ultimately, how you deal with a cheating partner is up to you, but do something - don't just let the situation hang in the air without resolution of some kind.
a relationship should have NO secrets. No lover should feel like they must cheat on me...all I wish for is to know why they were with another.u not responsible for his infidelity.I believe trust would be a big issue after I found out I had been cheated on.but the love has to be real and not just some idea you are clinging too because you fear change;I respect myself so much more than that.why he did it is no excuse; if he really loved you know matter what the situation he wouldn't have done it in the first place. you are worth more than that and don't let anyone tell you diffrent. two reasons people cheat, because they like sex with ANYONE without commitment, or to feel loved. if he wants to have sex just to have sex, he isn't worth your time, and if he dont feel loved by you then maybe you arent ment to would be really hard for me to trust him again. i've been cheated on before and i was always looking over my shoulder. i hated it.
so it would be extremely difficult for me to give second chances[cause i would look at these red flags after he is back as me being the rebounder {His way of dealing with this was to run off and get a flat then moving the other woman in it only lasted a short time with them/he wants to act as though this has not happened/ he seems arrogant at times stand offish /He still keeps his mobile phone code locked and hidden away/he will not talk to me about the affair[nothing more than manipulation..becoming the victim of his choices; The intimacy in your marriage has still been betrayed;If he does not want to discuss the affair or allow you to have answers, you will never heal properly.He is also afraid to tell you the whole truth about the affair, because he thinks if he does it will hurt you more. What he doesn't realize is that he can't hurt you more, unless of course he continues to withhold the truth. The thing that hurts the most about affairs is the lies. The only thing that hurts more than the affair, is more deceit, the unwillingness to be totally open and honest.What they don’t realize is that you have already been hurt to the maximum level possible. The only way he can hurt you worse is by lying (withholding relevant information is a form of lying) after he claims to tell the truth.eventually the whole truth slips out or is discovered, and now the problem that is almost impossible to heal from is not the affair, it’s why did you lie to me after you claimed to be telling the truth? There attempt to “protect” you feels like 10 additional knives in your back after the original knife, the affair.On the contrary if they answer your questions truthfully from the start, the answers are bittersweet. Sure it hurts, but for many it hurts a whole lot less than their imagination.but what you need to know you need to know, and have a right to's most cheaters reaction{ Knowing how painful the affair was going to be for you would not have prevented me from having an affair, because at the time of the affair, I was simply not thinking of you at all.”
If the affair is never dealt with properly, if you don't discover as a couple the real reasons why this happened and what will be different in your lives and marriage in the future to ensure it doesn't happen again, then it will happen again. If will-power, good intentions and prayers were enough to keep people free from affairs, we wouldn't be having a problem.
if your husband is using the “God” approach on you, I suggest using the “God” approach back back on him. Tell your husband that in Hosea 4:6 the bible says "my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge."
You need all the knowledge, wisdom and support you can get, to make it through this difficult time in your life.
If he refuses to discuss his affair, you have no knowledge.There is nothing wrong with you wanting to check up on your husband until trust can be re-established in your marriage. It would be naïve of you to just believe his words right now. He must earn back your trust through his proven behaviour. A willingness to answer your questions is one way. A willingness to be accountable for his time is another.

Many unfaithful spouses complain about their betrayed spouse’s need for accountability. God forbid there should be any negative consequences felt by them for their behaviour!! They must realize that this is not how the rest of your marriage is going to be for the rest of your lives together, but for a period of time extra accountability is appropriate. There are consequences for their actions. A person who engages in an extramarital affair has lost their right to complete privacy regarding phone bills, time and spending, until they have earned back trust in the relationship, and it takes as long as it takes. Why Won't He Talk To Me After His Affair?Your husband is probably torn between you and his mistress.u say u love him,but why didn't he love you,his marriage,family before lusting.He doesn't love you anymore and he doesn't deserve you.remain and be unhappy and chance he's still seeing her reason he locks his mobile and being sometime[ think the silence is screaming the answer
or take him u need space and then move on.He has her and you too. He thinks you are stupid enough to wait around til he says he is done. he is still seeing her. if you have money in the bank get it out before he does;as a man i can honestly tell you that i HIGHLY doubt he only cheated once... people are different but as a psychology student  i can tell you from experience that he's probably not giving you the entire story; What do you feel in your heart and your gut?Here is the GOD's honest truth even if you do get back together and find a way to work it out you may end up like me stuck wondering every day (is he/she having an affair?). I say if that is something you can live with and not let it eat you up inside then yes try to repair your marriage. I hope this helps you some. And if you decide to get divorced it is not the end of the road =) life does move on, it is just the bumps hurt some times.
what troubles me and should bother you is[he still keeps his mobile phone code locked and hidden away;Sounds to me like he's fooling around...The question is...WHAT are you willing to do if you find out for sure?
Will you have the guts to call it quits?
Cheaters seldom change! This is also another very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new “friend” then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it’s a big warning sign and one you should take seriously. A sudden need for privacy.If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention cause something is probably up. He may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning sign! Men and women who are involved with someone else will request more space, time alone or away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more freedom.
Working late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal on work related issues can be indications that a spouse is cheating. In today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs.
If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed. Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone.
Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records.
Behavior that just doesn’t add up.
Not being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time they can’t explain. Money that isn’t accounted for. Receipts for things you don't have. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day.
Your Own fears and suspicions

If you find yourself looking for excuses for your spouse's behavior or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat then that is a warning sign.
Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you suspect your spouse might be cheating on you, do some investigating and then confront him or her with what you've found.
Do it in a way that is calm and courteous.
Ask for honesty.
Be prepared for lies.
It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in their lives.  a man that "locks" things form his wife etc, has something to hide but your man is for sure hiding something.but I have to say locking his phone is a huge red flag. I would be very very cautious don't feel like he's cheating? Maybe you are too trusting. A good faithful relationship is open.  BE CAREFUL. I would say there is something going on you should know about to make an informed decision about staying with this man. And he needs to keep his manhood? Please...sounds like a womanizer to me ;He's obviously hiding something from you. Do you want to continue giving him the benifit of a doubt. My hubby and are an open book with one another, he can look in my phone at anytime and I can look at his.
I would be thinking something was up, and I would tell him that it's not anything about "hurting his manhood", it's called trust and he should learn how to earn it. at the end of the day;Don't waste ANY MORE time!
If you cannot trust him, why stay??
There is alot to be said about peace of mind, girl! you are not being unreasonable and he's cheating. people who have nothing to hide do not hide things. you already know that he's cheating. there is no other reason that he will not let you see his phone.don't be in denial,he'll tell u anything to have a roof oveer his head,have cake and eat it too. he's definetly doing things that r innapropriate on his fone becuase he knows itz wrong so that's y he locks it. if ur willing to deal with that shyt den keep livin the way it iz.but if ur not y don't u sit him down nd tlk bout it and if he's not guna oppen up nd stop lokin his fone den give him some space to figure out whether hje wants the little tricks on his fone more then his babi mamaz...good luck ;any person in a "committed" relationship that feels the need to "hide things, or keep secrets" is not really in a committed relationship.. and if he thinks being a "man" is based on privacy of hiding things from his significant other, then he's not a man his a little boy trapped in a mans body.. your in for a world of hurt and pain if u dont get this nipped in the bud and quick.. feel free to email me as many times as u need to,i am here to help u,i pray i have helped in some way,if so please rate me,thanks and i pray u peace and may God preserve you always and forevermore,happy holidays,misery loves company and u deserve better.  


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I specialise in helping couples save their marriage and rebuild it after major hurts such as an affair. Creating intimacy, removing hurt, dealing with sexual and communication problems.I can answer questions about issues arising in marriage: conflict, communication, listening, anger, verbal abuse, infidelity, addiction/substance abuse, pornography, physical abuse, time spent together, finances, in-laws, death of a spouse or child, separation and divorce,forgiveness,anger management issues, problem-solving and much more.


I have over 20 years as a counselor for couples experiencing difficulties. I have been a counselor for over 20 years,26years of marriage.I have been a student of this subject for over a decade and have not only researched it but lived it in my own life!

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I have a bachelor of Philosophy from CPCC in Charlotte NC I can comfortably answer questions about developing or salvaging a strong marriage relationship.

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I have a PhD in Metaphysics, Divinity, am a Minister with Friendship Baptist Church,faithful member, i would love to be a good samaritan to help couples to be blessed with positive answers.

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