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Marriage/reconciliation after divorce


my marriage after 28 years ended, we were divorce for six months he never gave up we have revonciled and i have moved back in with him. the issues that led to the divorce seem to still be an issue. fourteen years ago i had an affair which he found out about during the reconciliation of a separation three years ago. his family knew of the brief affair but after fourteen years when we reconciled after the separation his sister who encouraged affair told him and since the family shunned me. we continued reconciliationbut after three years i left and filed for divorce. i dated but realized what i was looking for i had in my ex husband. he never gave up i called him the reconciling chiahua.. our relationship is great but the issues with his family havent changed. this hurts deeply they were the only family i had. im an only child with no immediate family of my own. we had three beautiful children together whom are now grown and have their own. the steve harvey three ways a mam shows his love provide profess protect i feel short ended. he will not profess to his family nor protect when they shun me. in the past holidays were spent alone while my children grandchildren and himself went to his families. i have communicated all this and how important the three p's are to me. but the failing two still seem to prevail. how do i make our relationship work?

Hi Lynn~

If the marriage didn't work before, what makes you think the relationship will work, if there are the same issues in place that were before? He needs to be in your corner and be ready, willing and able to back you up as your husband, partner, lover, friend, etc.  Why does he refuse to do this? Does he not think the relationship is worth it? Does he think his family is more important than you and the relationship? It's hard to say what he's thinking when he does this.  The relationship is never going to work unless and until he gets on the same page as you and he supports you through thick and thin and stands by you and stands up to his family when they treat you like crap.  That's not acceptable for them to do you this way, period.  They don't have to love you to death, but they should at least be civil to you and not blatantly disrespect you in front of him, while you're right there. That's a huge problem and it's very unfair to you that he will not say something to his family in your defense.

You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this relationship.  Something has got to give or you only will continue to have the very same problems that will keep persisting as they did when you were married.  Everything else about him seems to be pretty good, with the exception of him not taking up for you to his family.  You need to get these answers from him when you talk to him.  Ask him how would he feel if the situation were reversed and how would it make him feel if you didn't defend him and support him through all this with your family (and I realize that you don't have any immediate family), it's the principle of the matter as to why he thinks it's okay for him family to treat you this way, all the while he says does nothing about it.  I would have a real problem with this if I were in this situation.  It's almost as if he doesn't respect you enough to stand up to them (and that might not be the case at all).  Actions speak louder than words ever can.  Maybe he doesn't want to confront his family about this, and this is why he doesn't bother to say anything.  But by him staying silent, it gives them the okay to keep it up.  Try talking to him and hopefully he'll be willing to at least try.  I hope this helps you some.  


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