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Marriage/When the past comes back

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Question
Hi, interesting situation.  I have been married for 22 years and have four kids (all from this marriage) ranging from 4 (yes, really) to 21.  Our marriage has been through the stress of war, teenagers, and surprise babies.  Now we have a new issue; an old flame from college ran into me last month.  Nothing special, but she seemed very very nervous around me.  We dated for about six months, then broke up and I left school and joined the Army ending up going to every the Rangers, then SF.  I never heard anything from her after I left.  Over the course of a few days, she decided she should tell me something that she had kept secrete from me.  She had my child, and she let her be adopted by her aunt.  So, my question is what now (the child is 23), and how do I explain this to my wife, or should I?

Answer
David,

You have no idea if this person is telling you the truth, knows that the child is truly yours etc... It is potential drama that doesn't even really need to dealt with. This woman could have contacted you throughout the years and she didn't. I would suggest you move one because this 23 year old is living a life that doesn't involve you and doesn't need to be disturbed. While you may have the urge to do something I would suggest you fight it as nothing has happened for 23 years and nothing would have happened for another 23 despite the fact that you happened to run into her.

Doc David

www.DavidSimonsen.net  

Marriage

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Dr. David Simonsen

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I can answer all types of questions related to Marital issues. I will tell you straight what I think your challenge is and ideas on how to get through it.

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You want someone who has the training, experience and knowledge to answer your questions. That person is me. I meet weekly with married couples and work with them through the challenging issues that come up in marriages.

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B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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