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Marriage/Scared of getting married

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Question
Hi Samntha,

Hope everything is going well.

I need to take your opinion in something. I'm planning to get married end of this year but i'm scared of the new responsibility specially that in my culture w live in our parents's place until the marriage so it will be totally new for me. My finace is too kind and understanding. he loves me a lot and i love him but sometimes i head this thought that i might know someone better. I tried to talk with many boys but i always feel that my finace is the best and that i can't have those emotions for someone else.

Also my fiance turn to a child who need kindness and i have to treat him as if i was his mother and i don't know if i'm doing it in the right way or not or if i'm satisfying his need or not.

Another point, sometimes he has a tough mood swings, he goes to a deep depression and self dis motivation and most of the time i don't know how to deal with it, shall i give him his space or motivate him (i tried the motivation but he was so depressed to the point that he makes fun of what i say)

please advise how shall i face my fear and handle his mood swings

Answer
Hi Aya~

Marriage is a huge responsibility for anyone to take on.  It can change for the better or worse in the relationship too.  So if you already have problems with him and his mood swings and with him being dependent on you, it could end up getting worse and him expecting you to take one more responsibility in doing things for him (not saying this will happen, but there is that chance that it could).  Can you imagine your life w/o him in it?  What would it be like if you weren't to marry him, but to date other guys out there and find someone that you feel you can't live w/o.  The thing is they have to feel the same for you as you do for them in order for things to work out.  There are lots of sacrifices that a person makes when they get married.  And it can be very stressful for both people.  You have to worry about someone else and consider their feelings, etc besides your own.  

It sound as though he battles with depression frequently.  Depression can be a very ugly thing, but it is treatable with medication.  You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing or unwilling to put up with in this relationship.  If he refuses to work with you, then there's your answer.  You want to be his wife and partner, not his mother and to have to treat him like a child.  A marriage is where two people work together as a team and help each other with whatever comes your way.  And to try to be as supportive to the best of your abilities.  Marriage is not a one way street.  It takes two to make it work and to be successful at it.  Marriage can be quite tough and challenging at times.  Communication is also key in having a happy, healthy and successful marriage.  

If you feel resistant to marrying him now, then listen to your gut instincts.  They are there to tell you when something feels right or when it simply does not.  Instincts will never steer you wrong.  There are there for a reason, so listen to your instincts and go with it.  I hope this helps you some.  

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Samantha

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I can answer most any type of questions relating to marriage and relationships. I have been divorced and I`m happily remarried. I have been through many things throughout the years. I will try to offer solutions to a problem you have whether it be; divorce, adultery, advice on a spouse, etc. I`d be happy to answer, to the best of my ability, any questions you might have. I promise to be unbiased and non-judgemental. As I like to remain neutral and try to see things from every angle possible and keep an open mind.

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I have been a volunteer for all experts for over 10 yrs now. I volunteer in 2 catagories/topics involving marriage type issues. I have helped a lot of people.

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