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Hi.
Recently my husband had been lying and possibly cheating. He promised that he would stay out of bars strip clubs etc...I didn't ask him to, he said it was what he was going to do because it hurt me and it puts our marriage in jeopardy (plus he doesnt want me doing it). His cheating and lies have been  causing many problems and i have wanted to leave many times, but he says he will make it up to me and prove he can be a good husband. He keeps back sliding and going against his word. I have had enough and there is no more trust. it happened again last week (the bar) and i want to leave. he gets mad when i talk about it and he wants me to act like everything is ok and tell me to leave it in the past! WTF is going on and how to i handle this? I don't know for sure if he cheated if he did it was one time but it was because he was drunk at bars! I know for a long time his behaviors and how he dressed etc changed and suddenly he came home (he works out of town)acting so guilty i just knew. he still denies it but i know! Help. Why does he want me to act like everything is fine? Why won't he talk about anything and gets mad at me?

Answer
Sara,
I think you are asking the wrong questions. You should be asking yourself how much longer will you tolerate this behavior. He is not acting like a loving, caring husband. He is acting like a frat boy who needs a place to crash. He is also probably a closet alcoholic, but you have accepted it with the excuses he comes up with. I would suggest you simply give him information that the next time he comes home drunk, or goes to a bar without telling you that you will simply leave. Don't threaten or scream and yell, just give him the information. He is doing the wrong thing and you keep accepting it, when it actually should be a deal breaker.
David

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Marriage

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Dr. David Simonsen

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