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Marriage/Sexless Marriage


My wife and I have been married for almost ten years.  She is my best friend and I feel so lucky to have her in my life.  Everything is great, we hardly ever argue, we make each other laugh, we encourage each other, support each other and take care of each other.

She had a miscarriage about five years ago and is no longer interested in sex.  Though it has been difficult, Iíve tried to accept the situation as best I can.  But every few months weíll be cuddling on the couch, or talking in bed, and I try to get intimate with her and it is clear she is not interested in doing anything more than kissing and cuddling.  So I get disappointed which makes her sad because she feels like she is failing me.

Weíve been through this cycle so many times and when we talk about it she says that itís her and not me and that she just hasnít been the same since the miscarriage.  But I feel hurt anyways.

I just want to find a way to accept the situation and appreciate all the great things about our relationship rather than being hurt by what we donít have.

Thanks for any help!

Much appreciated,


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I think your wife is projecting her anxiety of the miscarriage incident to your sex life. She is scared Jesse and worried. Scared of being pregnant again and experiencing another miscarriage. This is where communication is an integral part of a marriage. This is the part where you need to be the helping ear and listen to her. That would be the first step. If that does not work, then create an atmosphere where candles, low dim lights, spruce up the house to make it really romantic. During this time, be consoling and gentle as well as reassuring. Do not attempt to have sexual intercourse that evening. Do this a few times then slowly talk about intimacy.  This is not uncommon Jesse. Just be patient and really understanding. She is your friend as well as your confidant. If your efforts dont work, then I would suggest a therapist. Please let me know how this goes.




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