Marriage/Why has my fiancee changed after accepting a new job?
QUESTION: Hi Samantha,
I'm hoping for some advice and guidance from you, it would massively appreciated.
My fiancee is 23, i'm 24, and she started working at a family run business two years ago in the sales department.
The owner is a guy in his late 60's and extremely wealthy. Every month he would pay for a night out for the staff and my fiancee would always come back from it telling me he was a sleaze and would spend the night staring and chatting his female staff up.
Last August i attended a night out (partners were invited on this occasion), and i had the unfortunate pleasure of sitting with him for an short while. All he talked about was how he loved younger girls with breast implants and 'the fake look' and when i got home my fiancee told me he was disgusting.
Two weeks after that event she informed me he had approached her regarding becoming his PA. There was no interview, just an offer to pay her much more than she was earning in sales and to make her a key person under him. She accepted immediately and relocated to an office next to his in a seperate building.
Within one month of taking the job she told me she was having breast implants, she had never mentioned wanting them. Her body was stunning and she didnt need them. She went from a B to a DD cup in September, a massive difference on her body.
Once she'd had them done she told me he was now paying her a monthly bonus and she informed me that with the first bonus she was having veneers fitted on her teeth; again it was out of the blue and she had perfectly nice teeth. In October she had the veneers fitted and only one week after having them done she had her lips enlarged with fillers and completely changed her hair style.
Within six weeks of taking the job her look had changed completely and she'd gone from a normal lovely girl to one obsessed with her big implants and obsessed with her new look.
She started going to every business meeting with him and in December she told me at very short notice she was going to Portugal with him for seven days to a conference. I hardly heard from her and when she came back she was tanned beyond belief and she told me they'd spent the majority of the time sunbathing and shopping and she was covered in expensive jewellery. She just seemed oblivious to the fact she'd basically been on holiday with a guy close to 70 who was meant to be her boss.
At the weekend she told me, almost in passing conversation, that she would be spending more time in foreign countries this year on business trips. Then at the end of that conversation she told me she was now insured on his fleet of cars and her new job title was 'Senior Advisor' to him.
What on earth has happened to her Samantha?
ANSWER: Hi Matthew~
It seems she has become the very thing that he wanted. This looks extremely bad what she's doing and what she's done since becoming "his assistant" and she's fallen into his trap of buying women. Men like that that stoop so low as to buy a woman is a disgrace to the human race. There is a saying that everyone has their price (for something whether it's monetary or otherwise). She's fallen for his trickery to degrade females that he buys and it's at their expense. I think it's pretty sad when a person gives up their values and pride in exchange for wining and dining and materialistic crap. It devalues that person and all that they previous believed and stood for.
He's made her his puppet for a price. She's not who she was once when she was with you in the beginning. Too many people think that they need the next big thing in life. A newer car, a better house, the latest fashion trend in clothing, phones and the list goes on and on. This man (and I use that term loosely) is a poor excuse for a human being. He preys on those that are weaker or vulnerable and buys them to get his way with them. Such a sad and pathetic thing that he uses these young women as sex objects for his viewing and using pleasure. He's brought her down with him.
I'm not trying to put your fiancÚ down at all. I'm sure she's a great gal. However, she's become intertwined in his little sick games. He does not respect women at all, otherwise he wouldn't use and abuse them like he does. If something is not done about this she's going to become further involved in his sick and twisted game. And in turn this will poorly affect your relationship with her. Next step is he's going to start having an affair with her, if that's not already happening. Some women get so caught up they don't realize how badly this will affect them and their lives down the road. Or there only in it for the gifts, attention, money etc.
If you want to save her and have any chance to salvage this relationship with her, you need to have an intervention to save her from him. You need to sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart talk with her. She needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this relationship. If you don't then it's only going to get that much worse as time goes on and it'll end up ultimately ruining your relationship with her. Something has to be done. I hope this helps you some.
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QUESTION: Thank you Samantha for your reply, i genuinely appreciate your time.
I've spoken to her this morning. She told me she no longer needs to work from the office anymore and was spending the day shopping and she was waiting for her chauffeur to come for her, as this guy had now provided her with a full time driver. I said, like anybody else would do, that this just wasnt normal and it was crazy he'd given her a chauffeur. I then asked her to clarify her job role and all she would say is she advises him on all aspects of the business.
I said to her does she realise how much she has changed and does she realise she's been turned into the big boobed fake looking girl he's always wanted to have. Amazingly she told me that he had made suggestions about the breast implants and veneers and how she should dress, and he has great taste because she loves the changes and the old version of her is long gone.
She then got a call and went out to meet the driver.
I'm sat here stunned Samantha. What do i do? Do i ask her to quit the job..which clearly seems a no go for her; Should i approach this guy to see what on earth is going on?
ANSWER: Hi Matthew~
I would tell her that it's awful funny that she's just "advising him" on his business decisions, etc and would call it bullsh!t. The simple reason is this. How is someone who is already wealthy and successful going to have a 20something young lady advise him on making current and future business decisions and advise, when clearly he already knows how to run his business. Bring that up to her and see what she says. I think it's a cock and bull story so that he has an excuse to make her his little puppet just like the many other women you know this man has done this to. He will use her and throw her away when he's grown tired of her. She's obviously blind to the fact of what's really going on b/c otherwise she would not allow a man his age to make her his doll and use her up before he spits her out. She will have to one day face the cold and cruel reality of what he's doing to her. Most likely no matter what you say to her or how much you try to convenience her she will not quit this "job" and reality will come crashing down on her soon enough.
You now have to make the decision do you remain with her while he plays her for a fool? I personally don't see how you could continue to stay with her despite all of the convincing you've tried to do for her. I mean a person can only take so much of something before they finally reach their breaking point. I'm sure he's already talked her into sleeping with him, if not, that will be his next move on her. Anyone can clearly see what he's doing to her and what he will come to expect of her. This man is a dirt bag at his finest.
You make the decision on what you do next about this relationship. Whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one. You can ask her to quit, but that's unlikely to happen. He's got his claws in her and is buying her and she's eating up all this attention. I highly doubt that the veneers and boob job will make her any smarter for his liking, just something prettier to look at in his eyes. I definitely would not approach this man. When someone will stoop as low as he is, he's not a trustworthy character. If she refuses to see the light and won't quit her job, you might have to cut your losses and move on.
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QUESTION: The truth has come out Samantha, finally.
She came home at nearly midnight last night, she'd been gone all day and didn't contact me once. She came into the house with bags of new clothes and a brand new designer bag that costs thousands. I'd waited up for her and told her i wanted to know the truth, it was the least i deserved as I've done nothing wrong.
She admitted everything. He'd approached her about being his PA, and once she'd accepted they started talking about the type of girl he likes and she allowed him to pay for the breast implants, veneers and fillers. Following all the changes to her body and how she looked he paid her compliments all the time and her confidence increased and they became closer. Then in Portugal in December she made the move on him and the sexual relationship started, and she's been seeing him since then and the advisor role is just a cover for him to pay her vasts amount of money. She said she has fallen in love with him and was sorry.
She got some clothes together at 2am and went.
I'm heartbroken. How can a 23 year old fall for a 68 year old? It's disgusting.
I was afraid that it was coming to that. Just as I had suspected it was physical. You see things like this on tv all the time. But when it personally happens to you or someone you know it's devastating. That sucks that she did this to you though. Why would you want to continue to be with someone that's done that to you? I know it's hard to let go of someone you love and to be in a tough situation like yours. This might be a clear sign to move on with your life w/o her in it. You can do it and it can and will get better as time goes on. It will always be with you somewhere in the back of your mind (meaning what she did to you), cheating is the ultimate betrayal in a relationship or marriage. Trust me been there and done that.
I hardly doubt she's in love with him, more like in lust with him and in love with his money and showering her with lavish gifts, etc. He will soon grow tired of her and he'll eventually move on to someone else with his sick and devilish ways. He's using her and she can't see it. Try focusing on you and taking care of yourself and take life one day at a time. That's all you can really do right now.