Marriage/My son is not my husband's...cannot cope...need help
I am a divorced 39 yr old with a 15 yr old son. We're a Scottish-American family and I work in management for a small firm locally in the Midwest.
My son is not my husband's, I suffered a terrible experience when I was forced to sleep with his dad at gunpoint (even though the gun could not shoot anything) just to satisfy a "fetish" of his.
I felt like a prostitute even though I obviously wasn't one.
I did it, under pressure, even though I didn't want to. No actual physical force was involved just mental torture.
The final straw came when my husband left me for a 23 year old - I was 36 yr old at the time. I remember one of his final conversations with me ending on "your son ain't mine, it's my dad's, heh, heh, heh". How he could laugh about it made me sick.
He said it couldn't be his because he'd been sleeping with a 22 yr old Hooters girl at the time and had long given up on sex with me after our son was born. I did try and have sex with him after our son was born but he offered every excuse under the sun. He only had it about 2-3 times then slept with for the Hooter's girl.
I feel sick and disgusted now knowing that my son's father could be his grandfather; doesn't that make my husband my son's brother or something? Wasn't this incest.
In the end I didnt report it to the police out of shock.
I went for counseling secretly but never told my husband;it helped me a lot. Not even my son knows about this.
I divorced him eventually. From what I hear he's with this girl still and is talking of having a kid with her so neighbors tell me.
How can he do such a thing?
I think I should tell my son but don't know how to tell him. I have only told him that his dad's "working away" as an excuse to avoid telling him the real truth; my ex-husband left him and I got a divorce.
How will my son cope with this, and should his dad pay child support - or at the very least, retroactive child support?
I have since reverted back to my former maiden name to end traces with the past.
Thank you for any advice.
It sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm not sure telling your son the truth would benefit him at all. In fact it might make him feel worse about himself and how his existence came to be. It's not incest if you're not blood relation. Now if had been you're biological father, or brother, cousin, etc then that would have been incest. That was just pure evil and meanness him making that comment about your son not being his but his father's and laughing about it. That's pretty low and despicable to tell someone that, period.
I think if you're still struggling with this, then you should consider going back to a therapist. You can then ask for his/her advice on is you should ever tell your son who his real father is. If one day you decide to tell him, it will come with some consequences and probably a lot of shock and anger on your son's part. You have to be ready, willing and able to cope and deal with it, should you ever decide to tell him (meaning your son the truth). Some things are better left unsaid.
As for his real father having to pay child support, you'd have to prove who the father is and then go after child support through the courts. Again is this something you really want to do? And to open up all the wounds and trauma from your past. The courts will have to have proof of who the father is to grant you child support. These are some things you'll have to sit down and seriously consider whether it's worth all that you will have to go through. The choice is yours and the choice is one that only you can make. I hope this helps you some.