Marriage/Help understanding husbands behaviour and arguments?
I'm 39, and my husband's 40. We have a 21-year-old daughter who lives away from home and a 18-year-old son. On Thursday I received a phone call from his boss asking why he hadn't been in work for 4 weeks, he said he was worried about him. My husband has only been in his job [technology and repairs of computers] for 2 years, the work is varied and it is well-paid. He's worked in technology since he was 21, so he's been in it a long time now.
I work in graphic design using InDesign and Quark XPress, publishing a series of free weekly titles that come out Friday and Saturday - general sales and automobile titles.
However, the real reason why shocked me, I asked my husband and he confessed he'd been working at a KFC about 75 minutes drive away from here for 4 weeks, he signed on with a pseudonym and said he wanted to see if working at KFC was as good as the newspaper ads said. He admitted he'd gone to work outside the local area to avoid being noticed by anyone he knows. He admitted he'd hid his KFC uniform in a place where none of us could find it.
He said he'd spent the KFC pay on additional household items, not himself.
I couldn't believe it; we told our son and he was shocked, he said "But I thought dad was going to work... he wore a suit and drove the car, was he really working at KFC??". Our son is in shock about this.
I'll be honest, I thought he was working, we had a paycheck coming in, but this moonlighting, if you can call it that?
It's affected our marriage immensely; our son has seen the arguments about it - which were verbal not physical - and ended up refereeing them, which he feels embarrassed about.
Our daughter and her boyfriend are coming home in a few weeks, our son's looking forward to it as he enjoys spending time with her boyfriend - he's a good friend of our son's and introduced her to him. I'm worried, should I tell my daughter or not when she asks what's going on.
I could divorce him, but this behaviour seems so odd I don't know if there's an explanation for it, could it be stress, he didn't say it was, but didn't say it wasn't. This is bizarre.
Why would a man take 4 weeks off work, go and work at KFC under a pseudonym in a town where no-one knows him.
I'm worried he'll still continue this behavior but he hasn't spoken any further about it. Could it be a midlife crisis, or is this behavior not indicative of one?
I would gladly appreciate any help on this, thanks.
First off, why would he feel the need to lie to you and his family? Second of all, how in the hell did he work under a pseudo name? How can he legally do that? B/c when you fill out an application they require proper identification such as a DL, social security card, etc for proof of who you legally are. So how was he able to apply for a legit job w/o proper identification and them not figuring out he was lying about who he was?!?!? So if he'll lie to an employer what else did he lie about in the process. Not to mention that he kept this from you and your children. I mean I can totally understand his reasoning behind what he did, if he did it as an experiment to see what it was like.
I would be sitting down with him and having a serious heart to heart talk with him about this once again. He needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. His lying to you and keeping this from you is simply wrong and unacceptable, period. As I mentioned before if he'll go to great lengths to hide this and all, what else will he lie about or keep from you? Lying is never okay in a relationship, no matter how big or small. One lie will lead to another and then before you know it, you're lying to cover other lies and it all will catch up with him sooner or later.
Where did he continue getting his check from (did he use vacation time to cover his missing 4 weeks at work)? I'd be asking him where the money was still coming in from. Talk to him and see what comes of this whole issue. I don't think this requires anything as drastic as a divorce, unless he's hiding bigger things from you. Since he did lie to you for this long, it's broken your trust in him, and that will be hard for him to earn it back. Bottom line is that he lied to you and betrayed your trust, so what is he going to do to remedy what he's done? I hope this helps you some.