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Marriage/My husband cheated on me with an up-and-coming actress and she's only 18


I am 38 with a 16-year-old and 21-year-old daughter, my husband is 42, he left me this week for an 18-year-old who is known locally as an up-and-coming theatre and TV actress. Our 21-year-old lives away from home at university anyway and hasn't yet heard the news. Apparently this actress has a boyfriend anyway, but my husband doesn't care...
I know who the actress is; seen her in local theatre etc. - on TV etc. in Emmerdale as a bit-part actress and she's widely popular in our area.

I am heartbroken as we've been together since I was 19 and he was 23, and I think he must be having a midlife crisis, he must be drawn in by her fame [well, she doesn't have money and we are middle-class, but by no means wealthy; we live on the edge of a council estate on a newer estate built in the mid-2000s, around 2007-08].

He's told me he's taking our daughter with him; isn't 18 too young to be a stepmum and isn't she more of a peer than a stepmum to my daughter?

From what I've seen the affair doesn't seem to be anything sexual... no torrid pics, no selfies, only receipts for cafes and service station cafes with this girl - not even Facebook messages. Isn't that an odd sort of affair?

I've told him the affair has to end but he's told me he's leaving me for her, and taking our daughter with him (except she doesn't want to go). However, my husband firmly told her "You ARE coming, whether you like it or not", I'd never seen him act this way before, he never normally raises his voice like that.

I'm worried about some sort of scandal breaking out - "Actress cheats on boyfriend with married man".
Could this affect her offers of work etc.?

I know I probably shouldn't worry about how it will affect her, but my parents brought me up with The Golden Rule in relationships [would you like it happening to you?]

I could file for divorce, but this feels so odd and out-of-character for my husband as he previously deplored cheating, I cannot work out what to do for the best.

Advice is welcomed please.

Hi Tania~

I would tell him there is no way in hell he's taking the 16 yo with him, period.  And she's old enough to choose where she wants to live and with what parent.  He can not make her go with him, so don't let him do this and bully you and your daughter into something he can't do to begin with.  Filing for a divorce will protect you and your daughter from things like this.  And then it will be written in black and white so should he violate it he can get into trouble with the courts, and it also protects your rights.  It seems as though he's becoming hostile and irritable since he left you and started this "new life" with this other woman.  Odds are their relationship will not last and she'll eventually dump him for another man sometime in the near future.  He's probably trying to show off her his new GF and showing that he's a good dad, blah...blah...blah.  Although his behavior is contrary to what he's doing right now by cheating on you with this other woman.  You are going to have to stand your ground and be firm, do not let him bully you and pressure you into doing something that is not fair, etc.  If he knows/thinks he can get away with it with you, then he will continue to behave in this manner from here on out.  

What he does with this other woman and if he ends up ruining her reputation (which is unlikely anyway), then that will be on him not you.  There are some things that are beyond your control in life, and you just have to cope and deal with them the best way you can.  He will not be doing her or himself any favors with the way he's treating you and your children.  If he'll do this to you, his wife, then how do you think he's going to treat some woman that he left you for as time goes on.  He currently has no respect for you nor women in general (for whatever reason now, whether it's a mid-life crisis) at this period in time.  Things will most likely get that much worse as time goes on.  Try not to let it get to you and be ready, willing and prepared to move on with your life w/o him in it.  It may seem like the end of the world right now, but it's not, it can and will get better as time goes on.  I hope this helps you some.  


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