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My husband had an affair moved out and lived with other woman for a short time He ended it and after a few months asked to come back to the family home I let this happen gradually over many months he still has his own flat but is now living home with me and his family full time He wont talk about the affair or the other woman and what made him feel like having an affair after thirty years of marriage I thought it may have been a midlife crisis maybe wrong about that We have not been intimate at all since his return He wont go to marriage guidance counselling How do I move on from the pain and hurt and begin to trust him again and have a happy marriage once again

Answer
he is going to have to communicate with u,i feel u forgave him by letting him return so the lease he can do is man up and be communicative with and to u.why did he have the affair and what happened that the affair also didn't last with the mistress? this shows me he's not relationship/committed material because he is in and out,back and forth,has he promised this will not happen again,why is he not being intimate to with u,not so much as sex but passion just for the fact u gave him a 2nd chance and he should be thabking God with gratitude and not come back to make u miserable,lonely and confused,otherwise this is unhealthy for u and the household.now let's move on with your concern and if it helps please feel free to rate me.
When you feel betrayed by a person, the entire dynamic of the relationship can change dramatically. Someone you once felt warm and caring about can begin to seem like a distant stranger after they have hurt you a lot of times. Yet if deep down you really want to give the person another chance, you can learn how to trust again.
Trust yourself and your gut feelings first in order to proceed in rebuilding trust with a person.did he ask your forgiveness or did he just show back up home without no remorse/respect/repentance?
Speak to the person who hurt you. If you want to get on the road toward healing and rebuilding a trusting relationship, communication is absolutely necessary. Make sure that the person who hurt you is genuinely apologetic for what happened and engages in direct eye contact with you. Ask yourself if you believe she truly feels regretful and will make a true attempt to change permanently. The only way you can move forward with someone who betrayed you is if this person honestly acknowledges what they did to bring upon the circumstances.

Clarify the situation. Whether the person has continually cheated on you or betrayed you in some other way, get everything out into the open. Do what you need to do to clear the air so there are no lingering questions. For example, find out how many times the infidelity occurred. Discover the trigger for why the person you trusted talked behind your back. Get to the root of your pain to find your way out of it successfully. This process may take a long time, but if you can rebuild your trust again, it will be worth every single second.

Commit to each other. If you and the person who hurt you want your relationship to survive this situation, make a pact with each other to move forward. This pact should stipulate that the person who hurt you completely cease the problematic behavior, and that you should honestly try forgiveness. Make a commitment that you will not hold the other person's behavior against him if he makes a true effort to change and improve your relationship.
is he doing the no contact rule with this lady or is they still connecting whether by in person meetings,email,text,etc? this is urgent to know or he'll be back at her place,i pray u is not his rebound.
Determine exactly what you want out of life. Decide to stop reveling in misery and tell yourself you choose a life of joy and moving on from sorrow. If you constantly feel upset and depressed about a situation, you prevent yourself from truly being able to progress and leave the past in the past.am going to lead you down a path that will show you a system for forgiving your spouse (and receiving forgiveness) and moving on with your relationship no matter what problem you are facing right now.
I am going to show you the steps you need to take to begin to overcome the pain you currently struggle with.Perhaps there is a chronic lack of intimacy and sex and you are hurt by how inattentive your partner seems to your needs.My definition of forgiveness and my techniques for getting there probably aren’t the ones you have been taught growing up.
Why? Because the “forgive and forget” idea that many people throw around simply doesn’t work.
How Can You Really Forget?It’s not only impossible, it’s unrealistic. You can’t simply turn off that part of your brain.
You may be able to mask the pain, or find something to preoccupy yourself from the pain, but what will happen when something pops up to remind you of it.•How to get rid of the images that haunt you and experience freedom from your condemning emotions. (This exercise will allow you to alter mind-numbing images and immediately release yourself from their control.)
•How to end obsessive thinking. (You’ll start living life again without walking around emotionally crippled.)
•The single best way to ensure the offense will never happen again. (Even though there are never sure things, this is the single best way I’ve seen to protect a relationship.)
•How to draw your spouse out and encourage them to talk. (Helping your spouse communicate their pain is the first step in helping them truly let go of their bitterness, resentment and anger.)•How to get your spouse to open up to you when they are stone cold.
When you get hurt by your partner, you lose trust and may even feel betrayed. "If he really loved me, he wouldn’t hurt me!" After being hurt many times over, your emotions tend to close up, and your heart, in turn, shuts down your ability to be intimate, both sexually and verbally. Your partner then becomes more of a roommate than a spouse, with conversations turning from intimate exchanges to logistic-specific dialogues like, "Who’s picking up the kids? Who’s cooking dinner? Who’s making the weekend plans?" I have worked with many couples that have "lost that loving feeling" and, upon examination, it often comes down to the inability to let go of past hurts. ...communication and prayer,faith and hope is the key to restore what's broken,so let us pray;As humans, we are imperfect and that goes as well for the relationships we form.
It is right to ask God for help in troubled times.From the beginning, God meant for man and woman to be together, joined in holy matrimony. “It is not good than man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him”. But, just because it is God’s will does not mean it is always easy.
Use this marriage prayer if you need God’s help and guidance to heal a failing marriage.
Heavenly Father, I come before you today with a heavy heart; my marriage is in trouble, and I need your help. Make changes in my spouse's heart. Make us compatible again, and bring us closer together. Fill us with your love and give us the strength to love one another, care for one another, and fulfill your destiny for us.
Show us the harm caused by careless words, and the pain caused by emotional distance. Bring us together, like we once were. Show us how to love one another again.
Heal the division between us. Make us one again
In your name I pray, Amen.Through life’s difficulties, God is always there to help guide the one’s we love, back into our arms. I pray that my spouse may have healed his wounds from the past and forgiven all that has gone wrong.
Lord, help my husband be able to follow his heart to his desire and love for me and permanently return to me to be forever reconciled as one, as husband and wife.
I pray God heals ur husband of all his EVIL desires and bless him to be GODLY in Jesus Name.
 the deception has shattered the trust that had previously existed been the two of you. Trust is the foundation of all healthy relationships, so your marriage can’t survive unless you both work to rebuild that trust. it really possible to heal after your spouse has been unfaithful? Yes, it is – because God is always faithful, and anything is possible with His help. Here’s how you can work with God to heal your marriage after infidelity:

Ask questions wisely. While it’s reasonable to initially ask your spouse to give you the details of what happened, when, who with, and how, after you’ve become fully informed, don’t ask any more questions unless doing so will really help you heal. Don’t let yourself become obsessed with the details of your spouse’s affair, because doing so will only torment you and prevent you from moving on to healing.Remind yourself often of God’s promises to you in the Bible. Even though your spouse has been unfaithful to you, God will always be faithful to you. Read and meditate on God’s biblical promises to you, absorbing them into your soul so you can deal with your situation from the right perspective. Let God’s promises give you the confidence you need to pour your deepest thoughts and feelings out to Him in prayer, and to believe that His grace is enough to lead you through the healing process.

Learn successful coping strategies. Life’s daily demands won’t stop when you’re going through a crisis, so you need to learn how to cope with your ongoing responsibilities (such as taking care of your children and keeping up with your work) while you’re struggling. Ask God to empower you to deal with your “new normal” and give you the wisdom to adjust your life in appropriate ways so you can still function effectively. Pray for the peace that only Jesus can give you – peace that will help you overcome any challenge you encounter.
Look at your spouse the way God does. Pray for the right perspective on your spouse so you can see that he or she most likely didn’t plan to sin so grievously, but that your spouse is just like you – an imperfect person who’s capable of serious sin, despite good intentions, if he or she drifts away from God. Ask God to give you compassion for your spouse’s brokenness and help you treat him or her gracefully, as God treats you when you sin.

Keep in mind that the faith you show while going through this crisis can inspire others to begin relationships with Jesus. People are watching how you react to the pain that your spouse’s infidelity has brought into your life. If they can see how Jesus is working through your life and empowering you to respond in faithful ways, they’ll be drawn to Jesus themselves and may become saved as a result. So try your best to trust God as you heal, and look forward to good coming out of bad somehow as God does His work.

Let your grief teach you whatever God wants you to learn. Don’t try to suppress your grief or rush past it; instead, let yourself fully experience and go through each stage of grief to learn valuable lessons from it. Ask God to reveal whatever He wants you learn from your grief, and to help you make whatever changes you sense Him leading you to make to draw closer to Him and become a stronger person as a result.Learn to trust. You can learn to trust in your marriage again if you first deepen your trust in God. Decide right now to trust God with every part of your life – your marriage, but also your other relationships, your work, your health, your leisure time, etc. Instead of worrying about how you can trust your spouse again, choose to trust God to work in your spouse’s life – placing your trust in God’s Spirit who lives inside your spouse, rather than in your spouse alone. Pray for God to help your spouse gradually regain your trust by sacrificing anything that could lead to more unfaithfulness (such as avoiding being alone with people of the opposite sex), giving you complete access to information about his or her activities (such as computer passwords and phone records), and making honest decisions going forward.Replace anger with forgiveness. Let your gratitude for how God has forgiven you of your own sins motivate you to obey His call to forgive others who have sinned against you, including your spouse. Don’t wait to obey until you feel like forgiving, because you likely never will feel like doing so. Instead, choose to act in forgiving ways toward your spouse (treating him or her with kindness and welcoming the positive changes he or she makes rather than bringing up his or her past sin), and God will gradually change your feelings in the process.

Lean on the strength of other people. Turn to some people you trust to support you in your healing process and provide accountability and encouragement to your spouse to help him or her heal. Confess your struggles to them while they listen, and ask them to pray for you and your spouse regularly. Thank them for their care and trust God to work through them to help both you and your spouse.Do whatever you can to save your marriage. As long as your spouse is repentant and willing to work on restoring trust in your relationship, do whatever it takes to work on your marriage to try to save it. Rather than looking for excuses to leave your marriage, look for reasons to restore it, and be willing to do what’s necessary to avoid the tragedy of divorce and rebuild trust in your marriage.

Ask God to make your marriage better than new. Keep praying for God to transform your marriage, and expect that as He does so, your marriage can become better than it was before your spouse’s affair – because you and your spouse have learned to trust God in deeper ways.
peace be unto and upon u forevermore is my prayer,feel free to ask any advice at anytime,i am here to restore,invigorate and positiveness is the  key to any situation,God bless u and ur household,feel free to rate me and feel free to ask anytime,have a fruitful,prosperous and extraordinary week.hope i have helped clear some issues in a positive way  

Marriage

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Nessie

Expertise

I specialise in helping couples save their marriage and rebuild it after major hurts such as an affair. Creating intimacy, removing hurt, dealing with sexual and communication problems.I can answer questions about issues arising in marriage: conflict, communication, listening, anger, verbal abuse, infidelity, addiction/substance abuse, pornography, physical abuse, time spent together, finances, in-laws, death of a spouse or child, separation and divorce,forgiveness,anger management issues, problem-solving and much more.

Experience

I have over 20 years as a counselor for couples experiencing difficulties. I have been a counselor for over 20 years,26years of marriage.I have been a student of this subject for over a decade and have not only researched it but lived it in my own life!

Publications
yahoo answers

Education/Credentials
I have a bachelor of Philosophy from CPCC in Charlotte NC I can comfortably answer questions about developing or salvaging a strong marriage relationship.

Awards and Honors
bachelor of Philosophy

Past/Present Clients
I have a PhD in Metaphysics, Divinity, am a Minister with Friendship Baptist Church,faithful member, i would love to be a good samaritan to help couples to be blessed with positive answers.

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