You are here:

Marriage/17 yr old daughter and age gap ??

Advertisement


Question
A family friend recently told me this week that our 17 year old daughter's having an affair with a 42 year old man.
Our daughter's 17, and studying beauty therapy in college, wants to run her own salon when she's older, and this man's 42, and a roadworks crew member. Apparently our daughter instigated the relationship, not the man.
She told me she'd seen them cuddling when the man was on his break fixing the road (in our area there's been a lot of roadworks and road crews out lately fixing the road, building a new housing estate and dual carriageway)

The relationship's legal (over here in the UK), so contacting the police is out, but ethically it's wrong, and I've told her so (the irony is, she wants me to meet him).

She said the man's unmarried, has no children, and is a lovely funny guy, but I think she should try having more fun with guys her own age - won't she regret it later in life?

I can't understand why she's with a 42 year old - that's, like, 25 years between them - and it certainly can't be the money, given what he does for a living.

What problems could come about due to the age gap (my daughter asked me this, and about all I could come up with was people mistaking him for her dad) and how should we as a family handle it?

Her 23-year-old sister is concerned about it, but in a sisterly kind of way, not an "and-you're-doing-wrong" kind of way.

I need some advice on coping with this; it's causing me and my husband some concern.

Answer
Hi Janet~

Maybe she's attracted to him b/c he's established in life and he also doesn't have the responsibilities that a man his age has, that is married and has children, etc.  I'm sure in time she will grow tired of him and will get bored with him, as older ppl can become set in their ways and not want to change or be interested in going out and having fun and blah, blah, blah.  Now for him the draw backs are more so for him, with her being younger, she will want to go out and do things, they will have different ideas on things, different interests, not the same kind of friends and the list goes on and on.  It's one of those things that unfortunately you'll have to let her figure out on her own in life and through experiences in life.  You can tell her all day long until you're blue in the face and it most likely will have no effect on her.  A kid wants to do what they want b/c they think their parents don't know anything (even though it's quite obvious that with age and experience you do know what you're talking about).  But you can't tell that to a teenager.  Let her be even though you do not agree with her dating him or having a relationship with him, etc.  I know this is probably something you don't want to hear that.  

Marriage

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Samantha

Expertise

I can answer most any type of questions relating to marriage and relationships. I have been divorced and I`m happily remarried. I have been through many things throughout the years. I will try to offer solutions to a problem you have whether it be; divorce, adultery, advice on a spouse, etc. I`d be happy to answer, to the best of my ability, any questions you might have. I promise to be unbiased and non-judgemental. As I like to remain neutral and try to see things from every angle possible and keep an open mind.

Experience

I have been a volunteer for all experts for over 10 yrs now. I volunteer in 2 catagories/topics involving marriage type issues. I have helped a lot of people.

Education/Credentials
.....................

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.