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Marriage/Winning husband


Despite the title of this, it has nothing to do with winning my husband back, or cheating.
I'm 38, with a 21-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son, and married. We live in Middleton, near Leeds in Yorkshire, England
My husband has recently had several small wins, first on the National Lottery (once!), then a few times on the slot machines.
Now he's taken it a step further by going out playing poker several times a week, and taking our son to casinos and gambling arcades. I think it's what kicked off this 'interest'.
I don't like it one bit, and have told him this explicitly, but he insists "It's all in a good game, bit of fun".
I was furious when I overheard him on the phone to a friend admitting he'd pretended our son was 19 to get into a gambling arcade that bans under-18s.

My son and his dad have always had a good father-son bond, but this takes it too far, it's more like they're best mates than father and son!

Now our son's spending all his time thinking about gambling when not at school, and my husband's encouraging it.

I don't know what to do for the best, divorce seems like a cheap way out, and this seems way out-of-character for my husband, is it a midlife crisis, or a new hobby?
We're less intimate than we used to be, which saddens me; he plays poker online in bed.

What should I do about this, and his increased obsession with gambling?

I'll be honest, I think this is a phase, but if so, how should I handle this situation, ride it out, or get counselling?

I'm already worried about the financial impact of their 'hobby'.

My apologies if this is long, but I need help!

Hi Marie~

If this is all consuming to him, meaning that he's become obsessed with it, and it's now interfering with his daily life functions, then he needs to reevaluate his gambling habit.  It seems to have gotten out of control and he can no longer really control it.  It's become so bad that he's involving your son, and that's not acceptable in any way.  As his dad he's a huge role model in his life, and by your husband taking on this gambling habit, it's not being a good role model to your son.  You should try to talk to him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know how this is affecting you, and what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  And give him the ultimatum that if he can't stop this gambling and negatively influencing your son, then you feel you have to choice to but to consider your other options (if that's what you feel it might come to, meaning divorce).  See if he'll consider seeking help with this if it's become too much of an addiction for him.  That you will try to support him to the best of your abilities, but something has got to give and soon.  Neither you nor he can keep living like this, it's taking too much of a toll on you and the whole family, as well as the marriage.  If possible seek a good support system in the way of informing family and friends to help you through this, get their opinions/suggestions on what to do. I hope this helps you some.  


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