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Marriage/Should I call off the wedding?


I'm thinking of calling off the wedding. We have been together for 3 years now. Our wedding is scheduled in the fall. My FI is a great guy except he listens to his parents and not me. When it comes the the wedding planning, I tried not to include them in because I know he would take their opinions first and not mine.

Yesterday, after discussing with his parents, he sent me a spreadsheet of all the wedding expenses and divided into 2. He said we are not gonna have a joint account and we will be paying for the wedding separately.I said,I want a joint account where we put equal amount of money in, and use it to cover all the expenses. Plus, after the wedding, we will deposit money from the guests into the account. we can pay rent, buy furniture,pay for honeymoon, etc.

The bottom line is that we will spend the same amount of money but his plan makes me feel like he does not trust me. I'm so disappointed because my opinion is not valuable.

What do you think I should do? my family and friends suggested I put my foot down and not letting his parents control our wedding plan.

Hi Qlee~

That's just the start of your problems when he lets his parents control and have input into the wedding, etc.  It will become more and more frequent on how much more control he will give them.  And that is not a good thing at all.  Besides if you feel that he can't trust you, then why proceed with the marriage.  It will only get that much worse as time goes on if you go ahead with marrying him.  Then he will feel he has more say so and more to control you in the marriage.  Marriage changes a person, just like the vows say "for better or worse" it can bring out the very best or the worst in a person once they get married and say "I do." It's true.  Two major things in life change a person marriage and having children.  Again for better or worse.  

I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable if I were in your situation to marry him.  His parents will then constantly be sticking their noses into your personal business.  He will most certainly agree with them and that they are right no matter what.  It happens all the time. And particularly if it's happening this early that's a huge red flag warning to not proceed with the marriage.  He will expect you to pay for half of everything and portions of other things.  Why set yourself up for arguments and unneeded heartache.  That's exactly what will happen if you allow him to treat you in this manner.  Don't do it.  If your gut instincts are saying call off the wedding, listen to your gut instincts and call it off.  He's not marriage material nor is he ready to be married, period.

Marriage is about sharing and supporting each other.  It's not a marriage if he treats you like a business partner and you have to equally share for paying for everything.  Run don't walk away.  


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