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Marriage/Daughter in relationship/affair with best friends dad???


My 21-year-old daughter has confessed something to me last night. I asked her what it was, and she admitted she'd been seeing her best friend's father (the best friend is 22) for 18 months in secret - so secret even her best friend doesn't know, and he's left his wife for her. (His wife has moved back in with her mother, incidentally).

We live in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. I don't know where you are in the U.S. but what would you do in my situation?

My daughter was single at the time anyway (until she met him), but I worry about her, she's my only child.

She's told me she's going to move out of her student accommodation and move in with him within the next few weeks.

My husband is furious having heard this, he said he could hurt the guy, but won't, as he's too much of a gentleman to do this.

However, my biggest worry is what happens when the honeymoon stage goes, what problems will she face when reality sets in, day-to-day living etc.

Are these the problems that could occur, correct me if I'm wrong:
(this list is quoted from a relationship page on living together but edited slightly)
Seeing him in his undies / sex issues etc.?
Buying the weekly shop, cereal etc.??
Bills, laundry??
and also:
Living together (with the daughter)??
Age gap issues (she's 21, he's 48!!!)

How or will his daughter accept her as her stepmum if they get married? (they are both considering it, she tells me).

The two of them do have some things in common - similar sense of humour, like of partying, active people, both like late nights and cinema etc. and my daughter told me it just happened, she fell for him, and she wasn't after a father figure but a steady loving relationship.

Isn't she taking on too much for someone her age?

I really worry about her and need this help.

Hi Janet~

You truly don't know someone and how they are until you live with them and see how they act in private behind closed doors.  She needs to consider several things before she moves in with him.  The question here though is will she? Most likely she won't.  Not to mention she got with him when he was with his wife, and is still married and has a child her own age.  Besides if he'll cheat with her, he'll eventually cheat on her.  What makes her think she's an exception to the fact that he will most definitely cheat on her?  Unions born out of adultery do not last, the percent of it actually lasting is in the single digits, like 5% chance that they will truly last.  The newness will eventually wear off, and then he'll be older than her and not want to do the same things she does later on, etc.  Is she willing to take that chance on getting hurt.  I'm sure this will totally ruin her friendship with her friend as well.  But did she take that into consideration, probably not.  Unfortunately kids at that age you can't tell them anything b/c they think they know everything and their parents know nothing.  Been there and done that.

Yes, is taking on too much.  She wants to play house, but it will grow old quickly when she has to live with him and all his baggage (wife, daughter, responsibilities, etc), and all the drama that comes with having a wife, child, the bickering, etc.  She will wake up to reality all too quickly.  Let her experience all this on her own.  And when she comes to you, all you can say is I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen and you have to make your own mistakes in life and hopefully learn from them.  Sometimes a parent can see things way before their kids do.  And that comes with experiences in life though.  She will find out soon enough when reality hits home with her.  I hope this helps you some.  


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