Marriage/Is this a midlife crisis?
OK, so on a public PC here, session expires 20 mins.
I've been married for 22 years to my husband, we have no kids but are aunt and uncle to 3 girls, in the last few weeks his behaviour's been worrying me; is it indicative of a midlife crisis?
He spends large amounts of time going to local pizza and Indian restaurant places, eating pizza excessively, even at breakfast time, having a new friend called Steve over, and buying loads of new polo shirts! From what I was told, and a reliable source at that, he was eating alone, sometimes 2-3 pizzas in one sitting!
Bizarrely, he's even been getting into work late because he watches Toby's Travelling Circus - a kids' TV show! You'd think he'd record it on the digi-box, but no...
Is this behaviour indicative of a midlife crisis? I tjought a midlife crisis was usually things like hair transplants, younger women, sports car etc.
I don't want to divorce him, as this seems so out-of-character for him, and he's been a great husband and is usually a kind, caring guy.
I asked him if anything was up, nonjudgementally, but he was quiet and drank a lot - of milk, that is, not alcohol.
He couldn't/wouldn't elaborate why he was acting this way.
Is it depression, or something more? Or is it really a midlife crisis?
There doesn't seem to be anything pointing towards an affair, so I can rule that one out; the spending on pizzas and polo shirts are odd.
He doesn't seem to want to see a doctor, says everything's OK.
This is the time for me when the marriage's going has got toughest; its both unusual and worrying, how should I handle it?
I love him and he's a generally great guy but this does worry me, a little bit, and I need your help.
That is very odd and seemingly out of character for him as you've described. I think you need to try and sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Give him specific examples of the things that are troubling to you. It's definitely not normal at all for him to have become obsessed with eating pizza 24/7 and watching a children show and guzzling milk. I'd be puzzled and worried about why he's doing this. This is what you have to try to get to the bottom of it, and to figure out exactly why he's doing this. Tell and show him that you are genuinely and very concerned about how he's been acting. Express to him that you feel he needs an intervention. And how would he feel if you were doing some of the things he's been doing, and would it concern him. That you are very worried at the ways he's been acting and that it's not normal at all for him to be doing all this. You may have to keep prying and being persistent to get him to open up and talk to you about this. It's almost as he's resorting to child like behavior, with the pizza eating, milk drinking, cartoon watching and polo shirt obsession that has become him. It's rather disturbing. I realize that it's not physically hurting anyone other than maybe himself (since pizza is not exactly a healthy choice in foods), but it's now beginning to worry you and take a serious toll on you and soon his work place (especially if he keeps being late all the time). It's become all consuming to him to do these things. That's a real problem for him and now you.
Is there any family members of his that you can get on board and support you and have an intervention if necessary? If so, then I'd do whatever it takes to get him to tell you WHY he's doing this. After all his doing it for reasons known only to him right now. Something has triggered him into acting this way. It could be a mid-life crisis, has anything happened to him recently that was upsetting or traumatic to him? Or perhaps he's just got an addiction to acting out and he's getting some sort of pay out when he does this. Otherwise, he would be behaving in such a manner. Get some a good support system in place for yourself, so that you can try to cope and deal with what's going on. I'm sure it's very tiring and concerning and frustrating to you. The bottom line is that this can't keep happening. It will eventually take a huge toll on you and the marriage, and could end up ultimately ruining your relationship and you don't want it to come to that. Something does have to give here. I hope this helps you some.