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Marriage/My mum is having an affair with my best friend


I am 24, from the UK, and in a job I enjoy, my life is going well (so far), and have been in a relationship with my partner for 2 years.
I still live at home with my parents, because it's currently too expensive to move out. But this isn't the issue at stake here.

The issue however, is my parents' marriage; my mum has been having an affair with my best friend (let's call him Mark, it's just a placeholder/not his real name) for the past 18 months, and she's now announced he's moving into our house within the next 3 weeks and they're going to get married soon.

She's already thrown my dad out, and he's been forced to move back in with Gran and Grandad, and I am worried about him.

They're separated, but not divorced.

I could feel angry with my friend but don't want to get physically or verbally so.

He caused this to happen; my parents' marriage was happy until now.

When they're living together, i.e. my best friend and mum things won't be so good on a day-to-day level will they, with bills, washing etc. ?

I'm struggling to cope, need your help.

Hi John~

How long has this affair been going on? Don't expect it to last either.  Most unions borne of infidelity do not last.  The changes are extremely small that they will make a go of it anyway, percentage is less than 5%.  Besides if she'll cheat with him chances are she might decide to cheat again.  At any rate, there's no way she can marry him unless and until the divorce is finalized with your father.  Apparently their marriage wasn't as happy as they led it on to be.  That's not a nice thing that your friend did to you and your family, of course both your mother and he both play a part in this happening.  

Are they going to be living with your in the same home? There's not really much you can do.  You are going to put right in the middle of this whole mess now.  And that's unfortunately put you in not only an awkward and uncomfortable position, it's put you into a situation where you're not going to have to figure out what to do next.  You need to sit down and figure out what your options are from here on out.  

It's all going to come to a head sooner or later and you will be forced to say something or to confront your friend for the position he's put you in.  That's one of the bad things about living with your parents (or even someone else for that matter).  It involves you and it will be a life changing thing.  Do you stay put? Do you go live with your grandparents for now? Until you can get a place of your own, find a place or a roommate, etc.  This is really going to be a challenge for you to cope and deal with.  

Have you sat down with your mother and tried to talk to her?  If not you might want to do so.  She needs to know how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with.  She most likely will tell you if you don't like it then you can get out too.  She didn't have the right to kick your father out, it's his home too and she can't just do that. I don't know if she realizes that or not.  Of course, there might not be anything he can do now since he voluntarily left his own home.  There are laws that are in place to protect a person in situations like this.  

Sit down and figure out what your options are and make a list of the pros and cons of staying there versus going to stay elsewhere (grandparents house, etc if that's even an option for you).  The point here is that you have to protect yourself at all costs.  I hope this helps you some.  


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