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Marriage/Obamacare causing rows in our family


Me and my husband have been married for 14 years now; I'm 42, he's 41. I am Scottish-American and my husband is Indian-American (well, Indian-American with Russian mother and Indian-American father, not Native American, but Indian as in India, the nation, sorry for the confusion.)
We don't have children, but are an aunt and uncle to his sister's and my sister's children.

However, over the past few weeks, our marriage has started to go sour; Obamacare has become his 'obsession' or 'hobby' and it all started with when his sister came over for a family meal, and she was calling for the abolition of Obamacare, which ended up in their kids wondering what the hell was going on, a dessert being thrown at their youngest son who's 14 (because he said he didn't understand Obamacare) [the son was covered in lemon cake] - by his own mum, no less, and the two of them arguing about why Obamacare is bad.

He's always got on with his sister, she's his only sibling, and they're really close; I am with mine, but not to that extent, we recognize we have separate lives.

Now he and his sister take odd days off work here and there to get campaigners for their anti-Obamacare protest group they've set up; his sister has even asked my husband to wear a nurse's uniform alongside her (yes, a female one, and not a sexy one, either, just a hospital one) which sickens me. Yes, it's a publicity stunt, but is it a questionable one.
Granted, what they're doing isn't illegal, but I'm worried it could get journalists coming to our home and god-knows-what else.

We haven't been intimate for 4 weeks now... and it's all because he spends so much time on Obamacare with his sister.
I could cheat on him, but that would be wrong, I just miss the intimacy and closeness we once had.

Our marriage has had other crises before - he broke his leg falling off his motorcycle in 2009, and has been off work with illness in 2007, but we've got through them.

This new Obamacare thing seems just so out-of-character for him, he's never been this politically motivated before, and neither has his sister, they both have similar personalities.

I won't divorce him, as marriage is something to be worked at, and this is a first, not a pattern of behaviour.

I did ask him openly and honestly why he did this, and he admitted pressure from his sister to do it.

He said he wants to stop being so obsessed with Obamacare but can't.

Where do we go from here next?

Hi Julie~

Obama care is controversial enough as it is.  But when you have someone that has become quite obsessed with it to this extent then that IS a huge problem.  You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him about this.  He needs to get the courage to tell his sister to back off, and that you will support him in doing so.  It's one thing to be against it and protest, etc.  But when it begins to consume you and interfere with your daily functioning that's a severe obsession and something has got to give and this nonsense and insanity needs to stop at all costs.  He's going to end up ruining your relationship if he doesn't stand up to her (his sister) and tell her he does support her cause, but he can't keep going to the great lengths he has been with her any longer.  It's coming at a huge cost to him, you and your marriage.  

I think he really needs to sit down with his sister and start giving her some boundaries, it sounds as if she's already out of control anyway, and it's beginning to spill over into your personal family/married life.  He can stop being so obsessed with it.  Ask him at what cost is he willing to go to?  Is he willing to put his marriage (even if you refuse to divorce him, and I truly get that, I really do) at risk and is it really worth is to take such a huge toll on himself and on you? I'd think not.  When you eat, sleep and devote every waking moment (it seems) to a cause that no matter how much you picket, protest, etc, it most likely will take a while to change the law, etc.  When all you're doing is causing more harm than good.  They need to do something constructive like writing their representatives, getting petitions started, starting a good organization (that's against Obama Care) that will get results, etc instead of protesting and making fools of themselves by dressing up and the like.  If that makes any sense whatsoever.

I really don't know what else to suggest for you to besides try to get through to him he's going about this all the wrong way.  No one is going to want to listen or support their cause if the ppl that are acting crazy and obsessed about Obama care are not approachable and are this extreme about this cause.  Instead they are only going to cause the opposite reaction that they are wanting (which is to bring attention to the fact that Obama care is an abomination to mankind.  It's not helping us, Obama care is going to horribly affect our nation and medical system, not help it.  So I really can understand their plight to fight Obama care.  It's all in how they go about it, that's the key.  Obama care is already a hotly debated topic and is sensitive in nature to talk about.  Then you throw in a person who is way at one extreme and it's like no matter how hard you try you just can't reason with them.  I hope by you sitting down and attempting to talk to him will help you maybe, just maybe get through to him on how this is really affecting you.  I hope this helps you some.  


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