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Marriage/My best friend and my mother; further followup


Samantha, thank you for your reply to

Unfortunately, the situation's got worse; my parents got divorced and my best friend married my mother (and I had to go to the wedding). My dad accepted the divorce, but felt sad and depressed rather than angry about it. He hopes she can get out of this "midlife crisis" and said he'd re-marry her once she got out of it, and said it was totally out-of-character. My mum did not change her surname upon marrying him.
As for how long she's known him, well, since he was 19 (and I was 21), as he often used to come round to our house, worked at a cafe in the neighbourhood.
They've got their honeymoon coming up in a month, also, aren't they still in the honeymoon phase now?

I really can't afford to move out of the house, my dad has moved back in with his parents, and this is a really uncomfortable situation.

Unfortunately a family feud has broken out between my family and best friend's family over this, which isn't good. At all.

I wonder, now that she's married to him, what will happen when reality sets in, things like bills, laundry, shopping etc. happen - right now my mum seems to be on a spending spree at high-end Mancunian shops and buying sexy lingerie from the Trafford Centre, I know, I've found the receipts when cleaning the living room.

I can't really call my best friend "Dad", it seems too weird and the situation isn't good at all.

My mum looks a lot like Brandi Glanville (image here and she and my best friend seem intent on becoming reality TV stars, and have even approached production companies about their relationship and getting a show made about our daily life, no holds barred. I feel sick thinking about it.

We've got several important events coming up; my cousin's 30th birthday, a child's 5th birthday party etc., how will this affect them?

All advice is much appreciated. need your help.

Hi John~

Nothing good will ever come of their union.  They are like the odd couple and I'm predicting that their relationship will not last anyway.  Let them be who they are and do what they want to do.  There's not much else you can do.  They will end up alienating themselves from everyone around them when ppl really see how they are.  My advice still stands that you should get out of there as soon as you can.  Otherwise, they are going to bring you down with them.  When you are around toxic ppl and the type of attitudes they have, it will eventually spill over into your life.  You're really in a pickle (as they say in the US, aka caught between a rock and a hard space).  Seems that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  She's your mom and you'll always love her and be her son, but clearly most of her decisions are clouding proper judgement in her life.  

She's not going to become some reality star or famous.  That idea is convoluted and not going to happen no matter what she does.  Perhaps she's going through a mid-life crisis.  I think we visited this idea when we talked last.  I told you it was only going to get worse, and unfortunately it has.  There will be no talking sense into her no matter what you try to say or do. She has her priorities and focus on life in all the wrong places.  You'd have to be a bit mad in the head to do what she's doing.  Maybe she can't or won't see how she's behaving.  It's really hard to tell what a person is thinking at any given time.  We can only speculate what's going on with her.  

And since I know you're a family guy and want to keep a relationship with both your mother and your father.  In order to do that, the only advice I can offer you is to stay in-different or neutral and try not to take sides.  It is what it is and you have to try to cope and deal with it to the best of your ability w/o making waves with your "best friend", mother and father.  As for the best friend I think I'd little to nothing to do with him, since he's the one that kinda started this whole ordeal (I realize that your mother was a willing participant too), and it does take two to tango.  In other words they made their bed and now they have to lie in it, and not try to take you down with them.  Do what's right for you and don't worry what others think.  I know sometimes that's easier said than done.  You're the one that has to live your life not anyone else.  And you're only going to be miserable the longer you stay with your mother and best friend.  A true friend doesn't do what he did to you.  They only care what's going on in the moment for them and don't care what others feel or think at any given time.  They are free to do so for them, but not at the expense of others.  Meaning they are crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed by all that they have done to you and the rest of the family.

I don't know that I've really offered any more advice other than, to get out of there and the sooner the better.  It's simply not worth going through all that you have to endure just to economically save money by living with them.  Is your health and sanity not worth it?  Something for you to ponder anyway.  


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