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Marriage/Employment in a Marriage


I have been married to my wife for 3 years next month. She has two boys, 8 and 6, from a previous marriage. She has recently been diagnosed with hypoglycemia and gluten intolerance which require special diets that can be more expensive. She also suffers from headaches and has found supplements that help. All these things and medical bills have put us in debt and i am having a hard time keeping up with my current employment. I have been asking her to help, which she has some, till i find something better. Two days ago she freaked out on me and told me it is not her responsibility to make up for what i am unable to provide. Her boys are in school and gone for most of the summer. I never asked her to work full time but she has time to do something. I am looking for better work and have applied for new positions. I told her that it is absolutely no one elses responsibility but hers to make up for what i am unable to do. Am i wrong? I feel like i married the wrong woman now. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Employment in Marriage


There is no right or wrong in a conflict of needs.  There is however a need to compromise.  How can the two of you work out a joint solution to the problem without one person winning and one person losing?  There has to be a way to resolve your financial situation without it hurting the marriage.  The two of you have to sit down and look at options.  A dialogue like, “You should work.” “No I shouldn't.” “But we need the money”. “That's your job.” gets you nowhere.  

First you brainstorm.  Which means you write down any ideas as ridiculous as some might be.  Then you start going through them.  That process frequently leads to creative, previously not-considered solutions. Remember that you are a team working together to solve a problem.  

If you're really stuck on who's right and who's wrong, you've got major problems that could lead to a bad marriage and/or divorce and more challenges for the children to deal with.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to people.    We change.  Things change.  We have conflicts.  Your job is to solve the problems, not fight over them.  It's important also to demonstrate to children that people have problems and that they can be resolved.  Your responsibility (and your wife's) is to keep the family together.

Good luck.


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