Marriage/My husband told me something shocking last night. I need your help.
I am 32 and my husband is 34, we are from Washington, been married since March 2011. Last night he told me he had something important to say so I asked him, listening and trying to be there for him in case it was sensitive, and he admitted he'd been bored with life since the end of 2011, had taken to watching old TV shows and wanting to relive 2010-2011 again, our engagement period, he said he couldn't cope with being married and wanted to be a couple again, he found bills, laundry, etc. upsetting and worrying. He said he misses the emotional closeness etc. we had when dating now bills and dirty washing, dryer buzzing etc. are in the way. What do I do, i really need your advice.
This is actually very normal for him to feel this way, especially after being married a while. It happens to just about every couple that gets married. Every marriage gets rough at one point or another and can have lots of ups and downs. Face it, getting married and having a baby are two of the biggest life changers in the world for a person to deal with. The reason is when you get married you have someone other than yourself to be either responsible for or have to worry about or take their thoughts, feelings, etc into consideration. And the same with a baby, you put all your needs and wants on the back burner. It's not about just yourself any longer. Sometimes that can be a real eye-opener for a person. It can make them depressed, anxious, stressed and the list goes on and on.
He probably feels just like any other married man. I bet if he asked his closest friends how they felt they would feel pretty much like does right now. It doesn't have to be this way though and it's not a bad thing for him to have said this. I mean sure it hurts to hear that, but thank him for him telling you this now and not ten years down the road where he feels it's futile and possibly no hope for the marriage and relationship. I've always told me husband that I'd much rather him talk to me and tell me really how he feels as opposed to him keeping it in and it leads to say cheating or whatever. I'd rather him hurt my feeling for a bit than to not be honest with me about what he's feeling or thinking at any given time. So that we can take the opportunity to work out whatever issues come our way. And trust me we've been through hell and back. Marriage isn't easy at all. It's tough and takes really hard work, but it takes two ppl working together as a team. To be there for each other and to support each other to the best of their abilities.
I always tell my clients when they write me about any problem is that communication is key to a happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage/relationship. It's so true. Talking things out and trying to put two heads together to work through issues is something that everyone should attempt to do their best at. Perhaps you can suggest to him that he can check into some form of individual counseling for himself or even marriage counseling. There are resources out there if you know where to look in your area. You are both going to have to be willing participants to get out of this slump that your in. With time, energy and effort eventually it will all be worth it in the end.
I'm a firm believer in that each person needs alone time, time with their friends and couple time (and family time if you have a baby/children). It's too common for a couple to become so wrapped up in the stressors of every day life that they forget out their relationship with their spouse. And then one day the kids are grown up and you find you're virtual strangers living as roommates in your house, and that you no longer have anything in common b/c you didn't take the time to nurture your personal relationship with your spouse. I see this every day in life and to me it's really sad. It's too easy to over look the simple and little things in life that matter the most. It's way more common that you might thing, some ppl are just really good at hiding their problems in life (as no one knows what really goes on behind closed doors, of even the closest of friends or family).
Sit down and talk to him, have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know how this is affecting. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Ask him what you can do to help him feel better about the relationship. Does he want to go on a date with you once per week? Etc. Bring up that you need to have regular talks about what's going on with him and how he's feeling or thinking at any given time. It's very important to feel you can really talk to your spouse about anything. That will make the biggest difference in your relationship together than you think. Keep an open line of communication with each other and feel you can speak/talk openly about how each other is feeling. I hope this helps you some.