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Marriage/fear of marriage


Hi Samantha, I am Hemakshi, 25 year old girl from India. My issue is that I am dead scared of getting married. I don't have a boyfriend. But I know someday I might have to settle down in life. I am in my mid twenties now but I have never been in a relationship before. I come from a background where arrange marriages are prevalent. My problem is that according to my understanding married life is very boring. Doing all the household work, cooking, cleaning makes marriages so unattractive for me. I feel,  because I have never been in a relationship before I have missed out on all the fun that couples enjoy during the courtship phase. And if I get married life will be boring anyway. So I am feeling kind of cheated. Also sometimes I feel like I want to have someone to share love with, but when I realize that it will lead to marriage, I just chicken out. So the conclusion is that, I want to be in love and have a love partner but I don't want to get married because marriage kills the love. I am not selfish but I am just plain scared of marriage. The idea that I will have to get married doesn't even let me fall in love and create a relationship. How should I tackle this problem?

Hi Hemakshi~

If you don't take a chance on love, then how are you really going to know what love and even marriage is about?  You have to take chances in life, you live and you learn from life's experiences.  Marriage isn't for everyone and not all marriages or marriage in general is boring.  I'm on my second marriage and it's never boring.  It all depends on your life, who you end up with, etc.  I think by boring you mean monotone, to where everything is the same.  Life is truly what you make of it.  If you're spending your life with someone you love then it's not really boring for long.  That's why you have to make the effort to keep courting one another, such as spending and making time together, going on a date once per week, etc.  You find things to keep that fire burning for each other.  Not every relationship has that, it takes time, energy and effort.  And it's something that both ppl have to work at together.  The thing about marriage is that you now have another person to think about besides just yourself.  The same with children whenever you have one (if you decide to ever have one).  Marriage and having children are both life changing things for a person.  It's also very important to be able to communicate well with your significant other.  

It's okay if you don't want to get married right now.  Perhaps somewhere down the road you will meet Mr Right and that will change your mind.  Marriage is something you don't take lightly though.  Listen to your gut instincts, after all they are there for a reason, and that's to let you know when something feels right or when it just doesn't. Talk to friends or family members that are married or are in serious relationships, get some advice from them or ask them questions about marriage, etc.  I hope this helps you some.


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I can answer most any type of questions relating to marriage and relationships. I have been divorced and I`m happily remarried. I have been through many things throughout the years. I will try to offer solutions to a problem you have whether it be; divorce, adultery, advice on a spouse, etc. I`d be happy to answer, to the best of my ability, any questions you might have. I promise to be unbiased and non-judgemental. As I like to remain neutral and try to see things from every angle possible and keep an open mind.


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