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Marriage/arranged marriage.


QUESTION: Hello. I am a 26 years old single indian female. My problem is very obvious. I am of marriageable age now. My mother found an arranged marriage prospect for me. And I am not keen to opt for that mainly because of 2 reasons. Firstly I don't find the guy attractive. He may be called good looking but not my type of good looking so I am not attracted to him. Secondly, I am repulsed by the concept of arranged  marriages and I am jealous of my friends who fell in love, found their soulmates and are now getting married to their boyfriends. On the contrary my lovelife never worked out that way. In a few months I will be 27. Should I just accept defeat and marry the guy my mother wants me to despite the fact that i have no feelings for him? The last time I fell in love was 3 years ago but it didn't work out. I can't figure out what should I do? Chances are that i will never find love again.

ANSWER: Hi Anuja,

Am sorry for the delay in replying to you. Ok, let's first understand your concept of good looking, do you like tall, fair, handsome, with moustache or without it, short hair or long? Some of the things can be changed, like the hair style or say the moustache. But suppose this guy is short, I'd say if looks matter to you so much do not marry him. Your entire life you'll be pining for someone who fits your definition. I'll sound clichéd but looks won't matter after a while if the person is caring and understanding enough. Being attractive is crucial at the very onset but not for everlasting love. A handsome hero like guy can turn out to be a pathetic person and vice versa. So if this guy that your mother chose is 50% good looking and has a stable career with a good sense of humour, go for him. What's important is finding out about his family, his education, his culture. Let me know more about him and will be able to advise better.

I've been married for 20 years now, and it was a love marriage. But trust me the day you live together 365 days a year, you always see a new him or her. There are nuances of a person which are so difficult to fathom.  What if you do not find love next 2 or 3 years? Time is crucial and trust me you'll fall in love again with this one man whose going to be your best friend as well. A marriage is always a gamble, whether love or arranged. Let me know more about you, your aspirations, career, family and discuss this further.



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QUESTION: Thanks Vani. It felt really comforting listening to you. Some developments have occured regarding this situation. I have not met the guy. I tried to get over my fears and asked my parents to talk to them realising that I am in my late 20s already. Our parents discussed if this match should happen. To begin with the boy's mother wanted to match our horoscopes. If there is a match then I can get to meet him. His parents are ardent believers of astrology. So they did the horoscope matching and it didn't match. Hence she didn't directly say no but it was embarrassing as she was trying to find faults in my horoscope to say no. So if I continue with this match, there are chances that she may blame me and my horoscope if something doesn't work out properly in the future. So we may not proceed with this. But my real concern is this. How to judge if a guy and his family is genuine and good in just a few meetings? I am a career person and don't like to be home bound. I may have to go on long travel with work projects. But most indian in-laws are not cool about a travelling indian daughter in law. This was a problem in the above case also. How do I work this out? I know its a long question but many thanks.

ANSWER: Hello Anuja,

You're lucky that this match did not happen. A family which is so orthodox would never allow you to pursue a career or have the freedom you desire. Matching of horoscope is still prevalent in our country but it's more academic. I'd say request your parents to find a groom who comes from a single unit family (just has 1 or 2 siblings) and is educated enough to match your credentials. It'll be good if he stays away from his parents or at least has a mom who works/worked. Best would be to find a person who comes from your industry so that he'll understand your commitments. There will always be a doubt if he is the right choice. But the more you meet a person, chances are you'll find out if he is the one. What's your sun sign?



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QUESTION: Thanks for your suggestions. My sun sign is Pieces.

Hello Abuja,

Star signs do not rule anybody's future but they do provide a helpful guideline about general characteristics. So you're sensitive and this says that Cancer, Capricorn or Scorpio could be good matches. But again how a person is brought up can change a complete personality. Go for a smaller family preferably a guy belonging to the top 10 metro cities in the country.




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Marriage is a commitment, a dedication, a plan that's fascinating and intriguing, as you try to get into the heart and head of another being. I can help you understand your partner better and make this journey a bit easier. I can tackle queries related to issues in a new marriage, a love marriage, entering into a new life and preparation for it, inlaws relations. Sorry, I cannot help out on gay and lesbian relationships. I am not a sex therapist or an astrologer.


20 years of a blissful married life, with someone who does not belong to my city or community. It was a tough but exciting journey handling elders who initially did not approve. An expert at for more than a decade in the field of marital and inlaws relationships. Have tried my best to help couples from across the globe, lead a happy satisfied married life.

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