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Question
Hi, Though I am not married yet. But I am going to have an arranged marriage. I am facing an emotional problem. I am of marriageable age now. I have to opt for an arranged marriage. And I have agreed to it. My problem is I was in love with a guy before but due to some circumstances I can't marry him. Hence I have taken the decision to marry according to my parents' choice. I have loved and still love my ex and will probably love just him for the rest of my life. I am pretty sure I will not fall in love again. I will and can be a good wife to my future husband after marriage but will never be his lover. Despite of this is it still possible to be happy and satisfied in this arranged marriage? What can i do to get along with my future husband? This is not an uncommon scenario. This is how most arrange marriages are. But how do I cope up?

Answer
Hi Sunita,

You've been brave as you took a decision which hurts but at least you had the courage to take a tough stand. I'll begin with the most valuable advice, never ever discuss your past with your future husband. Yes, he may be honest, supportive and caring but you just don't know how he will handle this info.  Before you say yes to just about any alliance your parents suggest, take a while to think what sort of a partner would you like? Would you want to stay in a joint family, would you like a businessman or a corporate worker, would you want someone in India or an NRI? You have the right to refuse any alliance they suggest, and they will handle it. But do not compare him with your ex, he will never be upto the mark.

You've fallen in love once and think that it cannot happen again. No, that's not true, I know of so many friends and cousins who were in similar situation but are now happily married and very much in love again. It's as good as saying that a person who had an accident stops driving, no she doesn't, may be she becomes more cautious. What exactly is love -- it's respect, care, understanding and support mixed with physical attraction.  Go for it with an open mind, get involved with his family, enjoy your wedding planning, in no time you would be confident again. You've watched the movie Queen starring Kangana Ranaut, yes life is exactly like that.

Best of luck and write to me whenever you feel like it,

Vani  

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Vani

Expertise

Marriage is a commitment, a dedication, a plan that's fascinating and intriguing, as you try to get into the heart and head of another being. I can help you understand your partner better and make this journey a bit easier. I can tackle queries related to issues in a new marriage, a love marriage, entering into a new life and preparation for it, inlaws relations. Sorry, I cannot help out on gay and lesbian relationships. I am not a sex therapist or an astrologer.

Experience

20 years of a blissful married life, with someone who does not belong to my city or community. It was a tough but exciting journey handling elders who initially did not approve. An expert at allexperts.com for more than a decade in the field of marital and inlaws relationships. Have tried my best to help couples from across the globe, lead a happy satisfied married life.

Publications
Allexperts.com in sections on inlaw relationships and husband and wife relationship.

Education/Credentials
Masters in Business Administration

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