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I am asking this question for my daughter.  She and her husband have a 6 mo. old infant.  Their marriage has been rocky but currently there are in counseling and it seems to be getting better.  however, my daughter wants to move back home where her family is (in Rhode Island.)  She moved to NC about 4 years ago, met her husband, married and had a baby.  She is the breadwinner and owns the house.  She wants to move home; however, he wants to stay in NC where he has 2 adult children from a previous marriage.  She wants to know if she is being selfish feeling this way and if she moves home, is she being selfish?  I think she will pick moving home over her husband because of the trouble they have had in the past in their marriage.

Answer
Hi Deb-

No, she's not being selfish at all. I will give you this advice though, if she's the main support of income he might try to ask for alimony, etc. And everything they incurred during the marriage is considered community property. Just so that she's aware of that in case she does proceed with a divorce. It's really in her best interest to try to work out her marriage if possible. If she's done all she can and it still doesn't work then at least she can say she did everything within her power to try to make it work.

Divorce in two different states can be very time consuming and very expensive since you would have to deal with two separate states laws on divorce. It will get very expensive should he contest the divorce, make demands, etc. Most divorces are ugly, costly and hard to go through.

She needs to check into state laws on what the divorce laws are in each state, just to educate herself on what all comes into play with a divorce. If she's sure she wants a divorce, tell her not to tell her husband right away. And if she's adamant she wants to move back home to be closer to family and friends, to do it while they're still legally married. Otherwise, if there's a court order in place she won't be able to go where she pleases. As long as there's no court order saying what she can and can't do, she can legally take that baby wherever she wants and there's nothing her husband can do and vice versa.

Once a court order's in place that complicates everything until it's settled in court. Just those words of advice. If she files in R.I though the balls in her court and she will probably get all that she wants in the divorce, but she should file there and be the first one to do it. Also be aware that should she choose the option I just mentioned, she will have to live there for a certain period of time before filing. All states are different on those requirements. Some are as little as 30 days or in the upwards on 90 days. That so a person can establish proof of residency and get settled. She can Google divorce with key words diforce laws, divorce process (have her put which state she wants the laws for), etc. I hope this helps you some.

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