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Marriage/How to word divorce?

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I want out of my marriage and I don't know how to word it...

I became best friends with my husband when I was 15. I dated various people between then and when I finally agreed to date my husband. I would see him for a few months, be unsure about it, meet someone I really wanted to be with and end it with him. But every time things ended, I'd try again with my husband. We started officially dating when I was 17. I was never attracted to him romantically or sexually, but we were heavily involved in our church and so every time I'd talk with someone about this, they would say, "Love isnt about attraction or feelings, it's a choice. You choose to love him." So I kept going... At 20 he asked me to marry him, so thinking I was doing the right thing, I said yes. I married him at 21 against the wishes of my family as they could tell that I was not happy or satisfied. We did not have sex until we were married, and I had absolutely no problem waiting. I did not want anything sexual with him.

We have been married for two years. Every time we have sex - from the first time - it has been a chore. Today it's to the point that I feel repulsed by the thought of even kissing him.

I've realized that I don't wholly believe what the church was telling me about attraction not mattering. I feel like I'm missing an essential part of a marriage and I realize that I should not have married him. I love him dearly as a friend and want to minimize his pain.

Advice?

Answer
Before you ask for a divorce, you should see a marriage counselor.  Be very honest in stating how you feel and that you have been thinking about divorce.  This way he'll still have a chance to try harder.  If there is nothing he can do to make you feel a romantic connection to him and if you'd like that to be part of your marriage, it'll be very obvious in the counseling that the marriage can't work and you won't have to worry about the exact words to use.

Best of luck.

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Online Therapy and Counseling Until Midnight, specializing in Online Therapy including Office, Email, Telephone and Web Counseling, Directed by Dr. John Silver, Certified Online Therapist, Licensed Marriage, Family and Child Counselor, Certified Psychoanalyst, Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), Certified Addictions Specialist and Certified Sex Counselor offers a Free Office, Phone or Video Consultation, Free Email Advice, a Sliding Fee Scale, Same Day Appointments, Night and Weekend Hours in Los Angeles, Seattle and Virtually World Wide. ____________________________________________________________________________ Dr. Silver was classically trained in Psychoanalysis, became proficient in the modern Evidence-Based, Outcome-Measured Modalities like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as well as experienced in the Cutting-Edge Technology of TeleHealth. He Directed a Counseling Center for over 15 years in which he was responsible for the care of 1000s of Patients, the Training of 100s of Therapists and the Development of a recognized Clinic offering high quality services at a Low Fee; was a PsychoSocial Researcher at the RAND Corporation, Los Angeles County/USC Psychiatric and Camarillo State Hospitals; a Montessori School Psychologist; a Specialist in Child Therapy for the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health, Reiss-Davis Child Study Center and other positions of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Consultation.

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