Marriage/20 years of marriage, it needs help
Terri wrote at 2007-11-30 19:59:34
I have to say that I was very disappointed in your reply to Mary. The similarities in my marriage and hers are great except that my husband has lost interest in sex, not me. I have made effort after effort to improve my marriage and nothing, NOTHING has worked. My husband is very insulting and constantly putting me down saying that he is "just kidding". We did actually divorce five years ago, but he came back after three saying that things would change. I wanted to keep the family together so I believe him and we remarried. Nothing has changed. One person can't do it alone. I have basically given up and am just living my life as a single, married woman. I don't cheat either, but I am certainly not going to say that I never will in the future. I would be very interested to see how you might answer this letter on your 20th anniversary.
Married for 20years wrote at 2011-01-22 19:15:00
I agree with your response mostly, sure we as women have and can be the one to be compromising most of the time, but a marriage is about TWO people not one. To be with a man who will not change and be the one to do it all is not a marriage to me i may as well be single and live how i want to with out worrying how to fit the other half into what i want when he doesn't try to fit me in to his life. It works for you to be the one in charge and good for you, and yes you nor I can tell tell her how to fix things for we just know what she let us know how her marriage is. there is way nor to it then she says. As with your life. Saying I do and know how a man is and hoping for change is something we all do or did. that is how life is. I am sure your husband has things about you that he would change, but also accepts what he cant ... I think it all comes down to what we can live with and live with out. It is amazing what we can get used to. Marriage is 2 people wanting to be together not just a WIFE willing to change and do what her man wants and needs. I heard a saying once " Getting me was the easy part, keeping me is where the work comes into play" .It will take both of you wanting to stay together, not just you. Dont lost yourself just to stay married, your husband didnt.
30 years married wrote at 2014-03-09 02:09:52
What kind of advice is that? When will men understand that if the 'spark' is not kept alive it dies! Women mostly do not withhold sex deliberately. They have just lost the desire. Men can become selfish and think only of themselves - women are naturally giving. When sex becomes unbearable for women there is a reason! menopause is a big one - our bodies change as we get older and sex becomes uncomfortable. Putting up with a man's grabbing you every night for their own satisfaction and no consideration for yours for years can take it's toll too. Women need to be held, loved, touched, cuddled, and need to feel connected to their partner emotionally and in a non sexual way before they can respond sexually. ... little thoughtful gestures go a long way, as does communication of feelings and friendship. If a woman doesn't want sex - she needs to be romanced - to bring those feelings back if it's not too late.