AboutKiya Sakaris, C.P.C.C. Expertise I work primarily with pre-marital couples to those who have been married and are wanting to take on the responsibility of children. I have counseled many couples and families in group settings, as well as consulting individuals on a one-on-one basis. I work with couples all over the nation.
Experience I have been married for 14 years to a wonderful man and have 2 super kids. I am self employed as a relationship and family coach gearing mostly towards couples who are planning to be married.
Publications Library of Congress
Education/Credentials Certified Professional Co-Active Coach
Major in Metaphysics
Awards and Honors Honor Roll/Society and CJSF
Poetry published in Library of Congress
I have been a Girl Scout Co-Leader since 2004
Volunteer for local Community Hospital
I have attended a 6 day course on suicide prevention
Taught science classes to elementary school kids for the past 6 yrs
4.0 GPA college
Question Respected fellow, my name is Yasir, a male, currently a studenet of medicine. i
got married 5 months back. Despite I got married with my first cousin, it was
purely arranged. We neither had seen eachother nor knew eachother, so the very
mention of marrying with beloved is out of question. My many friends
ridiculously make a mockery of me when they see me having married at just the
start of career. But to tell you the truth, i prefered to get marry because I
wanted a sincere and extremely loyal companion in my life as i had been fed up
seeing a lot of betrayls in my life. So i got married recently. In these five
months I have felt that I am not the kind of man my wife wanted. For about 6
whole years, my wife, before marriage, watched a lot of movies, tv serials, and
hence by seeing tv actors and their specific roles, she had made an ideal figure
in her mind that she wanted "that particular" kind of husband. It is not my
illusion, because for the very first day I requested her that I wont tolerate if
she would violate my trust. She did so twice, what she did is that, whenever we
move to any public place, she starts seeing a male which lures her sight, thus
giving me mental trauma intentionally or unitentionally. I suffered because of
that, and is still suffering.... I dont know what to do, i want to remain loyal
and therefore never thought of parting my ways with her, neither is that a good
option i think. And i also cant mould myself into the very personalities she
likes on media, without realising that fantasy world is different than that of
real in which we have to live with. However she is very good in dealing with my family members which seems that she needs their support in case if i would leash my anger on her. But when it comes to me, she remains off-mood, and many a time she reponded "how smart is that guy, how handsome is abishak bachan, a bollywood star"
She is completely unintrested in me, in short, she wants my family to be on her side so that she can use them against me. Please help.
Answer Dear Yasir,
You should never change yourself for anyone. If someone, especially your wife, wants you to be different, then they are not worth being involved with. Be proud of your individuality. You have your own unique traits and attributes. This is what makes you, you. If everyone was the same, we would all bore one another. I think that she is saying these things because she has low self esteem. Some people will talk highly of the opposite sex to their partners because they have no confidence in themselves. The best thing to do is to talk to her about this and tell her that it is hurting your feelings when she does this. Be open with her and express your feelings (with humor) to your family members as well. If she keeps this up after you talk with her, then she has no regard for your feelings. In a marriage, your spouse should come first. They should not hurt you or you hurt them. When hurt arises, the couple can not feel trust or comfort with the other. Being married is special so that every person has someone that they can rely on without hindrance, jealousy, envy or remorse. They become your best friend and you should always want better for them than yourself. Keep your feelings open with her as well as your families so that they know how much you are trying despite this constant awareness of becoming "the perfect husband".
Take care and good luck!
Kiya
