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Mastering Anger/I Need Help Controlling My Anger Without Changing My Situation


There are people in my life whose even mere mention drives me angry and they happen to be family so there is no way to avoid them. Also things like husband not helping out in household work makes me so angry I feel like screaming but I can't. All I do after days and days of self control is cry but that is only a temporary outlet. The result is that I feel there is hatred all around me and I can't find a way out. Please suggest something practical that I can do to come to a state where I can say 'OK XYZ is not going to change but I am not going to let that affect me' and not only say that but actually not let such external things ruin my peace of mind. PLEASE help. and don't ask me to meditate or pray as I don't believe in God at all - not after years of praying has gone unheard.

Hello KKapoor

I appreciate the clarity and specificity of your question. It helps me to give you the exact kind of answer you're looking for.

I'm sure you have very good reasons for your anger, but I realize what you're looking for is a way to keep it from bothering you so much. I think I have something to recommend that will give you exactly what you're looking for. As a matter of fact, from my professional perspective, this is the best possible way for you to reach your goals in better controlling your anger.

It's a three part journaling process, which you will find described on this anger management activities page. The first part encourages you to "tell your story," that is, the things in the past that have hurt you or upset you. The second part is "anger journaling," where you write from your angry feelings on a regular basis, giving those emotions "somewhere to go," so that they don't just keep rattling around in your head.

The third journaling exercise will help you to begin shifting your focus to the things that will bring more calm and relaxation to your mind and heart. All three steps are essential, to reach your goals. This process will help you bring some of your subconscious thoughts into your conscious awareness, and that clarification will help you to feel better.

If you feel a need for more than this, after you have tried the exercises for a few weeks, you will find a lot more resources on my web site (linked above).

Make up your mind that you're going to succeed in this, and that will help. You sound like a bright person who knows what she wants, and this journaling process will help you use your intelligent mind to create more emotional well being.

I hope this is helpful to you.

My best,

Dr. DeFoore

Mastering Anger

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William DeFoore, Ph.D.


I can answer questions about: * How to deal with your own anger * How to deal with somebody else's anger * How to help an angry spouse * How to help an angry child or adolescent * How to let go of resentment and forgive * How to keep anger from ruining your life and your relationships * How to let go and get out of abusive relationships


I have been in practice as a counselor for over 38 years. I have published two books on anger and 10 audio CD programs on anger, health and building healthy relationships. I have helped thousands of people overcome their anger by healing the cause instead of just treating the symptoms. I have a positive approach, and believe in the basic goodness of each person. Anger is basically healthy, but when it is expressed in unhealthy ways it is very destructive, and that's why most people think anger is bad. Learning to understand and accept yourself for who you are is the first step to healing and recovery from anger issues.

I am the author of: Anger: Deal With It, Heal With It, Stop It From Killing You. Health Communications, Inc. 2004. Anger Among Angels: Shedding Light On The Darkness Of The Human Soul. Health Communications, Inc. 2000. Serai: Bringing The Children Home. Wingspan Press, 2007.

B.A. Sociology; M.A. Clinical Psychology; Ph.D. Counselor Education; Licensed Professional Counselor. You can view my full resume here.

Awards and Honors
Adjunct Faculty with the Cooper Wellness Program, of the Cooper Aerobics Center in Dallas Texas.

Past/Present Clients
All client information is kept confidential.

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