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Mastering Anger/Anger, feel wronged.


I feel like, wel an injustice has been done to me. Through the fictional DC Comics character, of Bane. I really despise him. I hate Bane so much, that I'd like Tom Hardy to die for playing him. I have recurring thoughts of torturing the people who made him, and more importantly those responsible for my hatred of him. I will of course provide a better explanation. I'm very tired of everyone calling Bane, brilliant, and such, when he's nothing but a bully, and a coward. My hate for him started in Knightfall, specifically he broke Batman's back. Now did Bane challenge him straight up, after studying Batman's techniques, and meet him head on? Oh no of course not. Bane instead waits until Batman can barely even stand, jumps him with a goon squad, and even then Bane is using his venom steroids. He never fought Batman, until there was zero chance of him getting injured. If that doesn't prove he's a coward, when Bane fought Azrael, who was Batman's replacement, when Azrael started winning, Bane took off running in the other direction. What really gets me though is the rematch. When they had their rematch, Batman and Bane that is. Batman was in good health, Bane did not have venom. Yet the fight was mostly equal, with Bane even getting the upper-hand for a bit. That just makes him more of a coward. If the rematch would've been, Batman curbstomps, I would've said "Huh I guess Bane really did need to weaken him, because clearly Batman is far superior." However the rematch shows Bane without venom or any other cheating enhacments can apparently fight Batman straight on.

I want everyone to admit that he is a coward. That Batman only lost on plot stupidity and cheating. I want, the people who wrote Knightfall to be hung like war criminals. I even feel a need to tell a friend of mine that likes Bane, that he is wrong, sometimes calling him various forms of stupid in the process. It's just that though. It's only with Bane, any other topic, I'm calm, about it. I don't get why, I'm the only person who realizes what a chicken he is.

I do experience guilt, and acknolwedge that wanting to have people die simply for writing something I don't like, is very petty. I just feel very wronged though. Batman is my favorite hero, and coming from a one parent home, Batman was like a fictional father to me growing up. He was, and is what I aspire to be like, not all the guilt and running around beating criminals, but the striving for perfection, never giving up, having the will to perservere through the hardest of times. So seeing Batman lose to someone who's too much of a coward to just face him head on, has really rubbed me the wrong way.

Am I just delusional, or do I have a right to feel this anger and hatred?

I would greatly appreciate any feedback and advice. Please, and thank you.

Hi, Alex,

I'm going to consider this as a real question, and not a spoof.

People get angry when the idea or "picture" they hold in their brains about "how things are supposed to be" get violated. In your case, you apparently believe that Bane "should not" be underhanded or cheat, and that he "should" fight fairly, for example. We get angry because our own "shoulds" get violated. If what we believe about "how things are supposed to be" is correct, it cannot be violated. Therefore, your ideas that Bane should not cheat and should fight fairly are not factual--that's not the way it is. The fact is that Bane (or his creators who invent the story) does NOT fight fairly and DOES cheat. You need to update your idea about who Bane is! When you do, you won't feel so angry.

Whenever we hold emotions inside, over time, they grow. The fact that you feel hatred suggests that you've been carrying anger inside you for quite some time. The person this anger hurts the most is the one who is carrying it--YOU. It is a good idea for you to take steps to divest yourself of anger as soon as you can. Anger held inside can destroy your self esteem, keep you from being successful and destroy your physical health. I hope you won't continue to go in this direction!

If you are indeed having these strong emotionsl reactions to the situation between Bane and Batman (and Bane's creators), I'd say this:

1. That's an over-the-top reaction to a comic.
2. The boundary you have between imagined "people" and real-life people is not a clear one.
3. My guess (you're free to disagree) is that you may have been parented, as an only child, to have things go your way a lot, thus not developing much tolerance for things not going your way.
4. If, indeed, Batman's persona has inspired you as a father figure, then your anger is more understandable, though still over the top. It is understandable to be angry with someone who hurts (or treats in an underhanded way) someone we love and admire.

Some things I'd suggest:
1. Start therapy as soon as you can. Have your therapist help you take a look at all you did not get by having an absent father, and the emotions that surround that. It is quite reasonable for you to feel sad, angry, protective, frustrated and hurt as a result of this situation. You may also not have as clear an idea of who you are as a man, either. This can be improved.
2. Also ask the therapist to help you take a look at your boundary between "imagined" and "real" in terms of how you live your everyday life.
3. Teach yourself tolerance for things not going the way you want them to go.
4. Get help in therapy allowing your "father" to protect himself, live his own life, so that you (the child) don't have to bear responsibility for his well-being. It's not your job (though all us "Kids" tend to do it). You are carrying too heavy a load with this.
5. Have your therapist help you dump the anger you've been carrying. Not onto other people, but in a safe way, out of you. You don't need to keep hurting yourself with this anger. You can put personal empowerment in its place.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Please rate this answer before you leave the page. Thank you so much for asking your question. I'm sorry you are in such pain over this.



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Ilene L. Dillon, M.S.W.


As a "Recovering Angry Person" and psychotherapist, I have thoroughly explored Anger and its related emotions, hurt, fear, depression and guilt. I'll give a free half-hour of coaching to anyone who can ask me a question I cannot address!


36 years as a family, individual and group psychotherapist. 15 years of teaching for California Probation Officers and Psychotherapists. Author of "Exploring Anger with Your Child" (now "The ABCs of Anger in its updated version). Personal, clinical and group work with anger, including in the parenting arena.

C.A.M.F.T. (California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists) N.S.A. (National Speakers Association) Professional Member since 1984

Magazines: Woman's Day, Personal Excellence, Care Notes Newspapers: Marin Independent Journal, The FAX, San Francisco Chronicle, in-house publications for therapy organizations Books and CDs: Total of 17 published works (

M.S.W. from University of California in Berkeley Two California Licenses: Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Social Worker Lifetime Jr. College Instructor License in California Host of Internet radio program (since 2004)Full Power Living, focused on "awakening the world to the power and importance of human emotions"

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