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Masturbation/talking to someone


QUESTION: thanks for answering my questions before.  i think i might talk to my friend now but it is so embarrasing.  i am worried that if i ask him he will think i want to do it with him and i don't.  it is like a big secret i have and i feel it would be better if i talked to someone about it so it wouldn't be a secret.  how can i ask him without him thinking i want to do it with him?

ANSWER: I think you should really practice saying the word MASTURBATE.  I don't know how you will be able to ask your friend unless you use the word MASTURBATE.  Maybe some time when you are home alone, you could try saying MASTURBATE out loud until you realize you won't drop dead for having said it.  It is not a bad word.  It is a regular word for describing a very happy activity.

Your friend will not assume that you want to masturbate with him.  He has probably never talked about it with anyone either but he has probably made casual reference to it in conversation.  Maybe you could start by making casual reference to it in conversation, like I suggested doing by talking about a movie with a masturbation scene in it.  If you really aren't sure, you can start by saying, "I don't want to do it with you or anybody, but..."

Instead of thinking of it as a secret, why don't you just think of it as something normal that you do that you don't talk about.  Because that's what it is.

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QUESTION: can u give me a script to follow, i just don't know what to say

ANSWER: You are not making this easy for yourself.  If you want to have a conversation, you need to be conversational, not follow a script.  But here are a couple of opening lines you could use to get a conversation going.  Since you are so averse to the word, none of them use the word MASTURBATE:

1.  "Hey, Joey, how long do you think a guy can go without having an orgasm?"

2.  "Hey, Joey, has another guy ever told you he touches himself?"

3.  "Joey, I get kind of embarrassed at the movies when I see a guy on screen touching his privates."

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QUESTION: i am embarrassed just to read that last one.  i could never admit to going to a movie where a guy touches himself on screen.  how weird is that?

How weird is the movie or how weird is it that you could never admit to seeing such a movie?  You don't have to talk about porn.  Plenty of movies about teenagers show or imply masturbation going on in them, even Spiderman .  Maybe it would have been weird once, but modern movie audiences have gotten used to scenes like that.  In any case, you have two other lines to work with.


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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


I write from the point of view that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary to sexual health. I am able to answer questions in all areas of sexuality.


I am the author of the web site and have been answering questions about sexuality (especially masturbation) from both males and females for over 13 years.

I have a Ph.D. in a field unrelated to sexuality from one of the leading educational institutions in the world.

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