You are here:

Masturbation/How do I help myself?


Hello Heather. Maybe you can answer this question for me... since I can't find the answer anywhere else.

I have been single for over a year now and have a high sexual appetite. I am a woman with good morals and do not subject myself to one-nighters or casual sex... however it is more of a lack of interested partners than a choice lately. So to curb my appetite, I masturbate regularly whenever the mood strikes me. It's decent and can give myself a good orgasm that will last me a bit physically... but afterwards and as time goes on... I find myself not feeling the best about myself.

Alot of people proudly wear "Masturbator" proudly it seems. But I cannot... I am heavily ashamed and feel very undesirable that I have to "do it myself" because there is no one really calling at my door. Unfortunately I am somewhat introverted and have trouble meeting people and talking to people I don't know. I also seem to become very anxious when out in public, or even at the thought of going somewhere to meet someone(bar, club, YMCA).

It says all over the internet that masturbating builds one's self-esteem and confidence... but I want to know why am I an exception? Why do I feel horrible, lonely, and ugly after taking care of myself? I tried confiding in a friend, and he just got excited about a woman admitting she masturbates.... I am a very private person so that further instilled my shame and made another blow to my self-esteem. Can I make this better?

Hi C.
Yes, I think you can make it better! I think a lot of this has to do with you receiving training at some point that masturbation is wrong and you are bad for doing it. maybe it was your parents or your church when you were little, or even just someone being a jerk. Just tell yourself everyday that you are a smart, beautiful, sexy woman and that everyone, and I DO mean everyone (90% or more) masturbate. It is normal and healthy. Everything to the contrary that you've been taught was taught to you by uptight, self-righteous and ignorant people. It's your ONE life and YOUR body. It is there to be enjoyed, and it craves pleasure. Do not put any stock into any negative messages you receive about it, and be confident. Try hanging out with friends instead of putting pressure on yourself to meet someone. Being with friends often opens people up and gives them the confidence they were lacking before, and that can go a long way to being the woman you want to be.
I'm glad you wrote to me and I'm glad you masturbate! I do too! A lot ;)


All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Heather Smith


I can answer most questions about male and female masturbation including physical, mental and ethical aspects. I've helped many girls and women, and some men, with issues like not enough pleasure, too much or too little masturbation, mutual masturbation and teaching others, and using it to improve your sex life or life in general. If I do not already know the answer to your question, I will gladly find it or refer you to someone who does.


I have helped my sisters and friends learn how to pleasure themselves growing up. I was always the one my friends would ask about it and I would try to help find the right solution for them. I am very comfortable talking about the subject and any problem associated with it. I believe there is always a solution to any problem, but I will not hesitate to refer someone to counseling if the problem warrants it. I strongly believe masturbation is a healthy part of living for both sexes, and can especially be important for women's sexual health and relationship success. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and have done a lot of research on masturbation, and how a healthy amount of it can be a positive part of a young person's life, and an uplifting part of a relationship or marriage later in life. Personally I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old, and I have tried just about every trick in the book. I know what worked for me, what works for most people, and what is just a bad idea.

Volunteered for one year at a local soup kitchen which also counseled clients. Worked one-on-one with clients as a Volunteer Life Counselor there, finding solutions to financial, shelter and clothing needs.

Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from a Central Oklahoma University.

Past/Present Clients
I have helped many friends, my own sisters, college roommates, my friend's brother, a few men and women online.

©2016 All rights reserved.