Hi. My question is how does one determine what is "normal" or "abnormal" when it comes to a person's sexual desires and fantasies? I am a woman in her thirties who has occasional fantasies involving necrophilia. And sometimes I fantasize about being killed. I find the idea of being strangled especially erotic, and have fantasied about being raped, someone having sex with my dead body etc. I feel a lot of guilt and shame about these thoughts, and don't understand where they come from. But I have had these thoughts since I was very young. There were times when I would be watching a movie for example, and become aroused when someone was killed, especially by means of asphyxia. This is strange because I am NOT a violent person, and in real life I hate the thought of any living thing or person suffering. I am extremely sensitive and empathetic, and literally would not harm a mouse! I have no desire to act on my fantasies, and of course I would NEVER want them to come true. Although I think it would be great if I ever found a partner who was open-minded enough to try roleplaying some of these scenarios with me. Of course, I don't know if I would ever have the courage to share them for fear of judgment. I am taking a chance here, and hoping you will not judge me or think ill of me. I would really like some insight into this aspect of my self, and also wonder how it is that mental health experts determine was is "normal" or "deviant" in terms of a person's sexual behavior. I mean, does anything go so long as it is consensual and everyone involved is an adult? What role does or should morality play in our sexual choices? I know that my fantasies are not common and that most people would probably think they were strange, weird or even sick. Thanks in advance for your help.
Normal is simply a statistical term. When a certain percentage of people do a thing, it becomes a norm. Necrophilia is not a norm, but it is a common enough fetish that most people have heard of it. I think that whatever you fantasize about is fine. Where a fetish crosses the line into a paraphilia is when a person is not merely fantasizing but acting out.
I suspect there are message boards out there where you could interact with fellow necrophiles and discuss this with them. You are probably not as weird as you imagine.