Expert: David Carney - 8/19/2006

Question
Thanks for the quick response,i feel alot better now after reading it and will take your advice.
I have been married for 13 years,at first we would have sex almost everyday and for several years it was a good amount like 2-5 times a week and i would not masturbate often maybe once or twice a week,but as the years went on she started to lose alot of her sexual desire and we would have sex alot less like once a week and i had a desire for more so i started masturbating more like every day,sometimes two or three times a day if i was really horny that day,but this year has been the worst,we have had sex about once a month and now i was masturbating alot more like 2-5 times daily and realizing my problem.
She doesn't want sex much now about once a month and i do have a problem sometimes getting hard but am usually always able to penetrate after stroking it awhile and concentrating.

I will look for the licorice root and longjax capsules if you think it is really necessary to help.
I do take a daily complete multivitamin capsule that may help out a bit.

Yes i am able to cut back on my masturbating but dont think i am able to completly stop so i decided to cut it down to twice a week which is a big difference from 20+ a week,so it may be a bit hard for me...However i think i may even get more enjoyment out of it twice a week because it will be more of a rewarding special moment.
I decided today was my first day to cut back,i had a small urge this afternoon but was not a problem to overcome,but now before going to sleep i have the strongest urge and am having a harder time getting through this because i have always masturbated before going to sleep alot and when waking,i really want to relieve myself now but am gonna hold myself back for at least another day.

I have told my wife this morning about what i read about over masturbation and that was prolly why i am tired and have a hard time during sex...she already knew i masturbate alot but we both didn't know about the effects,i also gave her the hint that i would need more sex to help me stop masturbating.

Your response has given me hope and inspiration and i'm gonna try my best to hold myself back from masturbating so i can give my wife and myself more enjoyable sex.

If you have anymore questions or suggestions for me please write back and i will keep you updated on how things worked out if you like.

Thanks,
Chad

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Followup To

Question -
Hi David,

I am a 35 yr old male with no health issues.
But i do have a concern that is bothering me now.
I started masturbating when i was about 15,i never really kept track of how often,i did it whenever i felt i needed to,maybe a few times a week at first and after awhile it was everyday,but my masturbating has increased since the late 90's when i got the internet and i discovered porn sites i started masturbating about 2-5 times a day,and in the last year i have kinda gotten addicted to masturbating on cam with others and find myself masturbating sometimes when i really dont want or need to but out of lack of self control and addiction to it.
Now in 2002 i was with a girl that i really liked and desired to have sex with and it got to the point where we were naked and having oral sex but i could not get my penis hard enough,it was semi hard but not enough to penetrate...i figured it was because i was a bit nervous about the situation and i was married and have never cheated before and had a guilty feeling about it even though the girl i was with that day felt like my true soulmate.
Well since then i have had sex with my wife many times and sometimes if i am really in the mood i am able to perform as expected but some other times i have that same problem of not being able to get hard enough to penetrate and everytime now that we have sex it worries me before we even get started that i will have that problem.

Now growing up i have read a few times where it was said that masturbation is not bad for you so i thought all of this was due to me getting older or having some kinda problem that will require me to take drugs like viagra to be able to have good sex..until yesterday when i looked on the internet about masturbation and found lots of things on how over masturbation can effect many things in the body and i found out i have a couple of the other problems listed such as being tired all the time and thinning of hair.
For the past few years i have felt tired all the time,sometimes within hours of waking.
So after i read all that stuff on masturbation yesterday i am a bit relieved to know that my penis not getting hard,excessive tiredness,and thinning hair is most likely due to over masturbation...but now i am a bit afraid to masturbate anymore now that i realize this and even more worried that i have damaged my body beyond repair.
So my questions to you are:
Is my sex life ruined now beyond repair or will i be able to get the life back in my penis i once had?
Can i be cured from these over masturbation effects naturally without taking the drugs that are suggested on other websites and what is best to help my body regain its lost fluids and repair itself?
If i stop masturbating completly or a couple times a week will this help my body get back to normal?

Please if you have any knowledge of this get back to me.

Thanks,
Chad

Answer -
Hey Chad.  Relax Bud, its going to be OK.  I know this is a serious matter and you are feeling frustrated and worried about not getting hard enough to get into a waman you want and need.  Who wouldnt be frustarated over that?  But you are doing the right thing and yes, do slow down to twice a week or none at all.  

How often does your wife want sex, and how often would she have sex with you if you were able and ready every time?  If she will let you into her 3 or 4 times a week , then why would you want to masturbate?  Please answer that carefully, it is not a loaded question but deserves an honest answer  from you.

Get some licorice root capsules if you dont have high blood pressure or other illnesses.  Take the licorice as recommended on the label and get some longjax capsules from Swanson Vitamins if you can.  Yohimbe is easy to get and will give help with your erection hardness, but take small doses at first, it is potent, increases the heart rate and raises the blood pressure as well.  Maca and damiania will help you feel like having sex but they dont do a whole lot for your erection.  These are all natural herbal supplements.  Yohimbe is great for getting your penis hard if you can take it.  Be careful; and take it if it does not bother you in any way.

To decrease the number of times you ejaculate your semen will in itself help most of the problems you mentioned.  Can you stop masturbating?  You have a wife who wants sex with you.  Listen to me.  I know what Im talking about.  Give her your sex, your body and appreciate her buddy.  We are not all so fortunate.  Some (many) wives are cold and have no sexual needs, or will not admit their sexual needs and desires.  I am not lecturing you.  There is time to save your intimacy with your wife.  Please do it.

The payment I receive from providing this service is the response I get form people who are helped.  Please, if you will, let me know if this helps you and whether or not you can stop masturbating or what level you are willing to drop back to.  I know as well as anyone how difficult it is to stop masturbating.  I finally am able to control my masturbation, but it took hard work and determination.  But your situation is different.  I hope you can talk to your wife about this and I hope you will be open with me about what you and she decide and how it works out for you.

If you want to keep this matter private between you and her I respect that; but if you are comfortable with sharing with me, I appreciate it and I dont take it lightly.

I think you will do well because you are sincere with your plea for help.
David

Answer
Chad, you are doing great.  Thanks for taking the challenge seriously.  I know you are wanting to masturbate so bad.  Its hard to keep your hands off when your penis is begging to be touched.  But you have the right idea.  How did your wife respond when you talked to her about it?  Do you think she will  have sex more often to help you cut back on your masturbation.  I really hope she will.  Does she usulally orgasm when you are in her?  Thank you for offering to share your personal times with her.  I do want to know anything you are willing to tell me.  You are a great guy and I really hope you get more hands on time with her.  The more you can have sex with her and release yourself into her the easier it will be to NOT masturbate the next day.

You may not need the licorice and other things.  Lets just see how it goes for a few days.  So you can always stroke your penis and get it hard enough to penetrate her opening?  As long as thats not too stressful for you, and you get it hard enough, lets hold off on the capsules.  Does she lubricate enough so its easy to get into her?  How long does it usually take her to reach an orgasm?   Taking the multiple vitamin is a good idea.

Yes, I really want you to keep me updated, especially on the sex you two have together.  I would appreciate that a lot.  And let me know how she does, how she responds during her orgasm and during your orgasm inside her.  If you slip up and masturbate more than you have said tell me.  I think that accountability will help you too.

You are doing fine pal.  Keep up the good work.
David